Is it better if he doesnt care if its just a job?
He has made so many movies, and so many are bad, but quality doesnt have to matter.
Walk a mile in this mans shoes.
Credit: Ursula Coyote/Netflix; Tony Rivetti Jr., SMPSP/ Netflix; Glen Wilson/Netflix
He cares about his family.
Sandlers filmography eventually developed the sparkle-shine of endless product placement but so do most famous Instagram feeds.
Maybe they should teach his career in Business School.
Tracy Bennett/Sony
Theyre in his movies.
If you were inGrandmas Boy, youre guaranteed a producer credit.
How much money have you made foryourfriends?
We know Adam Sandler cares about money.
Nothing wrong with that, in theory.
In 1999, Sonys highest-grossing film at the domestic box office was a Sandler film,Big Daddy.
And, by 2013, things were souring between Sandler and Sony.
TheGrown Upsfranchise was always Plan B, a last-ditchExpendables-ification of his whole comedy generation.
Like so many declining industries, Sandler sought sanctuary in the new digitality.
He signed a four-picture deal with Netflix.
The third film of that deal arrived on the Netflix home screen back in April.
Would you be willing to watch all the Adam Sandler Netflix movies in one sitting?
is what my editor asked me the other day.
(Everybody has Netflix; thats why they call it Netflix.)
And they have you, and they have me.
I just set my parents up with a Netflix account.
(I couldve shared my password, but that seemed wrong somehow.)
So: Netflix is falling short of expectations?
Andsimultaneously announcing, People have watched half a billion hours of Adam Sandler movies?
Should we say correlation does not imply causality, ho ho hoyes it does?
Or should we ponder: Was half a billion hours of Adam Sandler moviesshortof expectations?
If a billion isnt cool, you know whats not cool?Halfa billion.
Still, its a big number.
It validates the success of the Netflix-Sandler alliance.
The company signed him for four more movies.
Have you seen any of his Netflix movies?
I honestly dont remember the last time I saw Sandler in a movie.
Which is why Im on IMDb, running back his recent years.
Then the last Sandler movie I saw in theaters:Jack and Jill.
It was 2011, New York, Friday night, the Lincoln Square theater, we snuck in booze.
I started to wonder ifJack and Jillwas Sandlers true masterpiece.
We must have stayed out hours after the movie ended, remembering the parts we couldnt believe.
Sandler wasnt a movie star we liked.
He was a vocabulary.
This, in the same precise year junior high dances started and we started laughing aboutlikingpeople, tee-hee.
and the rest of us agreed with Ryan:Big Daddywas serious stuff.
And then I was just the right age to pretend to know whatPunch-Drunk Lovewas about.
When did you stop caring about Adam Sandler?
I gave up in 2003, withAnger Management.
Maybe I hit my limit for John McEnroe cameos.
But we dont forget our childhood icons.
IMDb says the full title isSandy Wexler.
I have no idea whatSandy Wexleris about, and Im excited to go into it totally cold.
But when I go to Netflix, it is the big main thing on the home screen.
Man, I loveThe Long Goodbye.
Watching three Adam Sandler movies in one sitting will not be a chore, I vow.
It will be a mission.
I want to understand Sandler: what has he become, and what he always was.
I want to find out: Does he care?
Did he ever care?
Whatever else this experience will lead me to think about Adam Sandler, I should make one thing clear.
I consider him a filmmaker.
Clearly thats impossible, and clearly, these areAdam Sandler movies, through and through, whatever that means.
I believe they have something to say about Adam Sandler, even if that something is nothing.
See:Happy GilmoreandBilly MadisonandThe Waterboyand anytime he uses the quivering baby voice.
There are variations: InThats My Boy, Sandler is a popular figure who has become a misfit.
And there is a steady escalation in the crowd-size for the inevitable We Love You!
An assembled crowd of onlookers clap for him inBilly MadisonandHappy Gilmore.
Sold-out Yankee Stadium grants him an ovation inAnger Management.
The whole Earth loves him by the end ofPixels.
The Ridiculous 6announces itself immediately as a movie where Sandlers already the coolest man ever.
Hes playing a white dude raised by Native Americans.
His name is White Knife because names are funny.
The character who says that is named Never Wears Bra.
She is played by Adam Sandlers wife, Jackie.
[NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: There will be more Native American name jokes.]
9:22
White Knife has two fathers.
He was raised by a Native American man, Screaming Eagle, played by Saginaw Grant.
Do I think Saginaw Grant will have more scenes in this movie than Nick Nolte?
15:25
Danny Trejo just showed up as a bad guy.
It starts to feel like a provocation.
Are wesupposedto feel rage?
27:32
Gol dang, he fell down his pooper!
is the first thing Taylor Lautner says in this movie.
Im a virgin, too, unless you count cantaloupes comes soon after.
30:01
Second spray of burro feces in the movie.
This will be a running joke, I guess.
They also share a tender campfire talk.
Theyre stoked to meet their dad, and theyre stoked to get to know him better.
you’re free to tell its a real gaping hole in their lives, not having a father.
So,The Ridiculous 6is a comedy Western, playing with the easily recognizable archetypes of the Western genre.
These are all different movies, but they all have one thing in common.
I dont even likeHigh Noonvery much, but dammit,High Noon.
Do we think Sandler knows about any of these movies?
Is it possible he just sawDjango UnchainedandThe Lone Rangerand figured he might as well do a Western?
Does he just loveBlazing Saddles?
Maybe, we all loveBlazing Saddles.
The campfire scene ends, Rob Schneider shoots a horse, the burro farts.
Yes, he is another half-brother.
42:47
What you gonna do about it, Beaver Breath?
screams a mean white criminal to a Native American woman.
HOW HE KNOW MY NAME?
responds the Native American woman.
43:15
Steve Buscemi appears.
Hes playing a lunatic doctor.
It occurs to me that I almost certainly first saw Steve Buscemi in an Adam Sandler movie.
47:15
Second genuine laugh of the movie when Luke Wilson appears as the drunk guy.
Luke Wilson used to look like the saddest guy on the volleyball team.
Now he looks a little wounded and broken.
Things are looking up!
Crews has already taken over the movie, with Wilson as his sidekick.
53:47
The camera tracks in close to Harvey Keitel.
56:10
Harvey Keitels headless body keeps on firing guns for a full minute after his decapitation.
Would definitely watch a whole Western about a headless gunfighter played by Harvey Keitel.
(And hell, whos pretending to be civil, even?)
1:05:15
Heres John Turturro as Abner Doubleday, the creator of baseball.
(He also invents the shortstop position by calling an Asian player shortstop.)
We see Lincoln die.
Didnt we just see Lincoln die inTimeless?
and obviously Lincoln died inLincoln.
Why is this a trend?
Who played Hurley onLost!
1:20:15
I just dropped some satire on your ass, General!
which makes me laugh.
I think thats laugh No.
were exactly as adolescent and dumb and racist and sexist as the absolute worst exemplars of modern-day dudedom.
This is a deeply depressing idea.
Recent events provide further evidence.
1:35:33
Is the plot important?
Deeds, still the least convincing movie ever made about a normal man inheriting $40 billion dollars.
Because he needs money!
Great, there we go, motivation.
It turns out that the Ridiculous 6s father, Frank Stockburn,was conning them all along!
Hemustbe one of Sandlers friends.
1:47:33
The final showdown between White Knife and his nefarious father takes place in a dark tunnel.
Its shot horribly, all in darkness with Nick Nolte giving expositional lines like WHERE ARE YOU!
and IM GONNA KILL YA!
and ITS DARK IN HERE!
And did I mention that White Knifes fiancee is here now as a damsel-in-distress?
That shes somehow been taken captive by two different posses?
1:51:37
All the brothers go back to White Knifes village, he gets married, everyone is happy.
1:52:35
Credits roll, and there are three revelations.
Its the scene where Henry Fondas black-outfitted bad dude, Frank, talks to Charles Bronsons mysterious harmonica-playing cowboy.
Have you watched Sergio Leone?
you’re free to laugh at his movies, or believe in them sincerely they work both ways.
But thinking too hard about Leones themes seems fruitlessly academic.
He was a sensualist.
He loved tough men and gorgeous women and guns and horns.
I guess maybe you think even comparing Leone to Sandler is unfair, comedy is different.
Leone sounds like a real loon dog, and his films are funny and beautiful.
Sandlers films were once funny long ago, have never bothered to look halfway decent.
But he is trying to prepare for the new age.
I wonder if this is what Adam Sandler is doing, with Netflix.
He used to make movies, like Leone.
Now he makes content.
Does he miss theaters?
Or is it all the same to him as long as everyone gets paid?
But the day is young, and there is much left to do.
The Do-Over
:36
Jared Sandler sighting!
2:03
David Spade narrates through a boozy high school reunion.
Reunions are strange, he says.
They bring up a lot of feelings about your past.
Sandler isnt doing a funny voice, soThe Do-Overis already an infinitely better movie.
Does Sandler still need to do product placement?
Or is it just a reflex now, to fit brands into his movies?
13:15
But actually,The Do-Oversets off with admirably straightforward gusto.
Max invites Charlie to come down to Florida and hang out on his boat.
15:24
Charlie and Max drive the boat around Florida, get drunk, smoke weed.
They see a boat full of beautiful women, and Max demands that the women show their breasts.
Then the women demand that Charlie shows his penis.
He does, and they laugh!
I dont know why this scene works so much better than anything inRidiculous 6.
Weve all known true douchebags.
They sit around a campfire singing about how much they loved their dad and their half-brothers.
Its horrifying and hilarious.
Why ask the director (who you hired) to do a rehearsal?
Why ask the guy who shotRoad Warriorwhat it means to have Multiple Planes of Action?
Are these films some weird form of therapy for him?
If either possibility is remotely true, it doesnt make Adam Sandler a better filmmaker.
But it certainly makes him more interesting.
20:14
I made us disappear, Max says.
I faked our deaths!
Max has given himself and Charlie a new chance at life.
Predictable, reliable, dependable, he says.
Im not just talking about my Ford F-150.
Im talking about Charlie McMillan.
Swardson just picked up some Dunkin Donuts on the way to the set?
Dunkin Donuts was the plot ofJack and Jill, remember.
Then again, maybe I need to recode my relationship with product placement.
WasntMad Menjust an artisanal Coke commercial?
This key leads them to Puerto Rico, and inevitably, to a huge house.
Dibs on the Ferrari!
33:32
Catherine Bell fromJAGswings by the pool.
We wont immediately objectify this character.
testicles falling close to David Spades face.
47:38
Theyre trying to find the wife of the dead man whose identity Charlie has stolen.
47:57
The boys meet-cute with Paula Patton.
They slam into her with a Winnebago, and then they kidnap her.
54:29
Shes grieving, says Max, encouraging his pal to hook up with Paula Patton.
Which makes her vulnerable.
Which means you have a shot.
First possibility: Max is actually the villain of this whole thing.
1:08:25
Charlie has sex with Paula Patton.
Further airdropping occurs as we discover that Max has colorectal cancer.
Its not a cure for cancer!
Its a cure forMaxs cancer!
I admire insanity on principle, there are so many boring things in the world.
But when insanity is delivered in a boring way, its the worst of all possible worlds.
1:28:27
Nowhereis something worthwhile.
All I had to do was push my tits out, and you followed them like horny teenagers!
like what the world needs now is more jokes by horny dudes about horny dudes for horny dudes.
But I am intrigued by this new self-awareness.
Then Paula Patton turns to the evil henchman and says, Put a bullet in his head.
Paula Patton is officially the first character I have cared about today.
Im rooting for her.
I hope she gets away.
I hope shes like Cameron Diaz inThe Counselor.
I hope shes like Linda Fiorentino inThe Last Seduction.
1:31:37
Im so tired of women lying to me and fing me over!
says Charlie, punching Paula Patton in the face.
Ive never rooted for anyone more than Im rooting for Paula Patton.
INTERLUDE TWO
I have to clear my head.
I have to stop staring.
I go for a run.
Im not sayingCaddyshackwould be better without Rodney Dangerfield or Chevy Chase, no, its a masterpiece.
But it does feel like every character in Hollywood comedies today floats along without any financial stress or concern.
Theyre all golfers, not caddies.
Whereas Sandler, god love him, is a workhorse.
He makes two, sometimes three movies a year.
Maybe the product is lazy, but theres alotof the product.
Its like hes desperate to be busy, or anyhow, to appear busy.
I wonder why he hasnt explored that side of his personality.
I wonder if he even conceives of his work that way.
But comedy doesnt have to be confessional, anyhow.
And Sandlers work is proof that farts are funny until they arent.
Except as I jog back to my house, I realize that Im so wrong.
Sandlerhasplayed a workaholic a couple of times.
The whole plot ofJack and Jillis that Jack is working too hard.
He has to get Al Pacino to star in a commercial for Dunkin Donuts.
This is not a subplot.
Its the whole plot of the movie.
It almost tears his family apart.
He tries to prostitute his sister to Al Pacino so Pacino will do the commercial.
Then Jack dresses up as Jill and seemsthiscloseto sleeping with Pacino so Pacino will do the commercial.
His wife, Katie Holmes, is bummed that hes treating his sister so badly.
Its a real sad thing for the whole family.
Eventually, brother and sister reconcile.
Then the movie ends with Pacino doing the commercial, which involves a musical number.
Pacino watches the commercial and says, This must never be seen.
Sandler has never looked better, more convincing, sadder.
Linger by the Cranberries plays in the background, one of the Cranberries even plays herself.
Its how I always remember Sandler; I wonder if that scene is what he fears the most.
I get home and decide that maybe Ive been underrating Sandler.
What am I doing?
Atleastit deserves to be on a television set!
Sandy Wexler
1:45
The beginning ofSandy Wexleris true leafblower of cameos.
Theyre all talking about a guy named Sandy Wexler, one of those fringe Hollywood managers, they say.
There was no YouTube, there was no Vines, says Garafalo, dialogue already out-of-date.
Back in the 90s, you needed a guy like Sandy to be seen.
2:30
Were seeing Adam Sandler as Sandy wandering around Los Angeles, Tower Records and Green Day at Whiskey-A-Go-Go.
The talking heads are speaking in the present-day, but Sandy is walking around in 1994.
3:30
Im losing track of the cameos.
Former Mark Twain actor Vanilla Ice.
David Spade…
7:35
…and Kevin James, not playing himself though.
James is a ventriloquist managed by Sandy.
Sandy himself is a middle-aged guy that Sandler plays with a variation of his baby voice.
[NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: There is no more to the character than this.]
12:38
Sandy meets a beautiful young ingenue Courtney Clark, played by Jennifer Hudson.
Shes performing as a swan at a Six Flags kids theatrical show.
He tells her that shes going to be a star.
Then again, this is Hollywood.
14:11
Theres an Atkins diet reference.
Im fairly certain the Atkins diet didnt become a thing until the early 2000s.
Im also fairly certain thatSandy Wexleris intending to do for the 90s whatWedding Singerdid for the 80s.
(The dad is Aaron Neville,everyoneis in this movie!)
Specifically, he says: I will always do whats best for your daughter.
Then he hangs out with Courtney under the Northern Lights.
Courtney says shes so happy to be here, with The Northern Lights, and my new friend Sandy.
Its like seeingThe Waterboypretend to beThe Player.
is something I mark down in my notes right about now.
Some movies are edited together,Sandy Wexlerfeels stapled.
It is the funniest thing I have seen all day.
27:23
Sandy Wexler looks through a magazine filled with womens clothes.
Well, shed light up a room in that purple one, he says, thinking of Courtney.
has become the whole plot spine of the movie.
Maybe hes an outright pervert.
He falls in love with a woman by following her around stalking her, really.
The easy read onVertigois that its about making movies and/or watching movies.
Stewart falls in love with an image the way we fall in love with people on a movie screen.
Mind you, this is all top-levelVertigostuff, theres more to the plot, you should check it out.
Actually, here in 2017,Vertigohas evolved beyond subtext.
But is Sandy meant to be Sandlers version of Jimmy Stewart?
Is Sandy Wexler actually insane?
Sandy, Sandler, Sandy, Sandler…
51:19
The fullVertigomoment.
Its from your dirty magazine page, you weirdo!
Jennifer Hudson manages to make that line reading sound whimsically romantic, retroactively earning the Oscar all over again.
1:01:15
Sandy kills a raccoon outside of Courtneys house with a baseball bat.
Trigger warning: This is so bloody and over-the-top that I need to share it with you.
I laugh every time I see this.
Whats wrong with me?
Take off those pants.
1:04:38
Lamorne Morris plays a record company publicist.
He is dating Courtney.
He spends a long minute telling Sandy all about email.
1:15:31
Jane Seymour swings by playing a sexy old trophy wife who lives next door to Sandy.
Her husband is comically old, and she throws herself at Sandy because ?
This is if youre keeping track the second wife-next-door to throw herself in Adam Sandlers direction.
Im now imagining a whole film,The Wives Next Door.
Im imagining so many things, mind racing away fromSandy Wexler.
1:17:06
Third Eye Blinds Never Let You Go plays over a montage of the 1995 Grammy Awards.
Never Let You Go came out in 2000.
1:17:32
There is a frankly stunning recreation of Paul Reisers 1995 Grammys opening monologue.
proves that someone involved inSandy Wexlercares about chronological authenticity.
This joke has already reappeared about nine times.
Firuz himself has only appeared via remote audio.
I think I recognize the heavily accented voice.
It cant be him.
You know, I was thinking thatSandy Wexlerwas Sandler doing hisVertigo.
(How did he meet her?
But now Im realizing: Courtney becomes a star in 1995, the same yearBilly Madisoncame out.
Courtney has already been through the runaround with Hollywood, falling in and out of professional and personal relationships.
Is Courtney Adam Sandlers stand-in forAdam Sandler?
1:32:49
Terry Crews plays a wrestler, also managed by Sandy.
How do you take care of everybody, and never worry about yourself?
Courtney actually kisses Sandy when theyre sitting by the pool.
Obviously, not everything needs to be a satire.
Both of those shows were great.
Of course, these awful adolescent rage-monsters keep succeeding.
See Mediocre Masculinity, How it Fails Upwards.
1:44:20
Sandy and Kevin James the Ventriloquist go in for a pitch session with UPN.
Behind them, there are period-appropriate posters forMoesha,The Sentinel, andSister, Sister.
But she says shes going to get married to someone who runs a chain of coffee stores in Seattle.
1:50:05
Weird Al Yankovic appears.
He was one of Sandys first clients.
Yankovic weirdly gives the best performance in the movie, playing himself as an infuriated truthteller.
You tell people what you think they want to hear, says Weird Al.
If you really care about someone, you tell them the truth.
1:54:51
Courtney gets into a car on the way to her wedding.
The car is being driven by someone with a familiar voice.
That person is Firuz, and he is clearly meant to be Middle Eastern.
Firuz drives Courtney not to her wedding, but to the Griffith Park Observatory.
Whats up with the Griffith Park Observatory all of a sudden?
1:55:53
Nope, thats what it is exactly.
For some reason, Sandler drops the Sandy Baby Voice accent for most of this scene.
I forgot to mention, his wifes in this movie, too, and his daughters.
Is he training the next generation?
Or does he just want to spend time with them?
Is that why his movies can never fully commit to their own vulgarity?
Because, for him, that vulgarity long since became a pose?
Why is he doing these movies to us?
2:00:37
Sandy and Courtney appear in the present, flanked by their two children.
He looks good old.
I still believe in him, despite this traumatizing day of horror.
Hes doing a Noah Baumbach movie.
Tarantino wanted him to be inInglourious Basterds.
That new Netflix movie with him and Chris Rock, directed by Robert Smigel?Im there.
2:01:45
Jennifer Hudson is somewhat well-known as a singer, you could say.
You would naturally think that ifSandy Wexlerends with a musical number, she would sing it.
This is because she has been advised by Sitting Bull!
that she should throw the match.
That way Frank will be happy, and they can get married.
Thats what happens, not in real life, but in the show.
Then, for a brief moment, there is a video of Sandler and Judge recording these lines.
The joke is lame.
But maybe best not to overthink.
But can you blame him?
He hangs out with his best friends and makes a lot of money.
The inauthentic part of all this is how sentimental his films are.
But thats his appeal, maybe.
Do what you want to do.
When youre a star they let you do it.
you might do anything.
