Were getting down to the wire.
Its almost time for the wedding of well… not the century… and not really the decade.
Lets call it THE wedding of the first few months of 2017!
Credit: Bravo
We begin at Ariana and Sandovals apartment, which has a scary amount of potted plants on its balcony.
When Jax comes over to visit Sandoval, the dude is practicing the trumpet, naturally.
This apartment is so weird.
But the biggest revelation is that Schwartz has triplet brothers!
Did we know this?!?!
Did I have too much Sur sangria and black out at this news?
Sandoval and Jax want to pay for the triplets to be flown in for the wedding.
So the triplets apparently live in Ulee, Florida, at home with their parents.
I would like a reality show of this.
Or at least waaay more information.
Jax and Sandoval call one of the brothers and break down their plan to surprise Schwartz.
The triplet then immediately asks if he should call Schwartz to tell him.
Dude doesnt really understand the concept of a surprise.
So fingers crossed this secret stays a secret.
Lisa Vanderpump arrives to work the next day on a horse.
Yes an actual horse.
This is part of what makes West Hollywood so magical, according to Vanderpump.
Gays do tend to bring magic to neighborhoods.
Lisa heads inside and immediately sees a not-up-to-code sangria pour and takes it Jax for inspection.
Definitely something about your coworker that you should share with your boss.
I dont know if you realized this, but Stassi is suuuupes bummed out about being single.
I also dont know if you noticed the heavy sarcasm in my writing voice.
So for a pick up, she decides to do a photo shoot.
When I need to feel happy, I like get some Pinkberry or get a drink with a friend.
The folks onVanderpump Rulesstage a half-naked photo shoot.
The shoot climaxes with Stassi wearing a see-through onesie.
Nothing says date me like a sheer jumpsuit.
NEXT: Remember James?
Well hes still on the show.
He goes home with girlfriend Raquel to have dinner with her mom and sister.
They dont seem too psyched by this news.
Then, he starts crying, which really turns this already-awkward dinner up a notch on the crazy meter.
Hes a real poet.
Well shes storta still on the show.
She shows up in the alley of Sur where Ariana is hanging out.
Then, she starts crying, which turns this already-awkward convo up a notch on the crazy meter.
Lala heads inside to confront Vanderpump.
Lisa is kinda like, Ooooh sorry.
But keep in touch!
The best part is that Katie cant find her checkbook.
But eventually all their friends arrive and this distracts Schwartz from the ginormous check hes forced to write.
What the hell happened here?
Did the pinata fall out of their back seat?
Was there some kind of pinata snafu?
This is the biggestRulesmystery since Sandoval gave Schwartz a black t-shirt in NOLA and it magically turned white.
Next week: tubing!!!!
!
