For that, you’re free to thank the cast ofVanderpump Rules.
This episode could have benefited from both a translator and captions due to nonstop slurring and side talk.
Lets just say the morning after isnt beautiful.
Credit: Bravo
Over in Katie and Schwartzs room, its not looking great.
Schwartz is on the couch with Katie in the bed.
This marriage hasnt even started and its already exhausting.
Its like Trumps presidency.
I want off this ride.
The groomsmen (and Ariana) decide to go for a gator boat ride.
Then, of course, Sandoval takes out his butt and rubs it on Schwartzs head.
Scheana once again asserts her dislike of seafood, but one thing she does love is gossip.
Kristen has never believed that and thinks Katie is suspicious theres more to it than that.
Back at the gator trip, theyve finally made it to dry land and a lunch of boiled crabs.
Well, this does not sit well with Sandoval.
He proceeds to get super upset and begin weeping.
He also cries in his confessional interview.
So its like double the Sandoval tears.
Finally its time to go back to the hotel.
The ladies are just lounging and getting dressed when a cake arrives at the door.
But its not just a cake its also a lady stripper!
No surprise that this is the work of Kristen.
But this is an equal opportunity stripper, and she grinds on pretty much everyone.
Where did Jesus come from?
He just appeared out of the blue.
Also, is this Jesus coming to test all of them?
I have a lot of questions.
They basically give him a caftan to throw on.
Everyone seems completely TAAAAAAANKED, especially Schwartz.
He, in particular, gives off a bit of a Buffalo Bill/Silence of the Lambsvibe.
For being such a cute man, he does not make a pretty woman.
They decide to hit up a straight sports bar, where they are greeted very warmly.
She is no Hillary Swank, Ill say that much.
She isnt even Julie Andrews inVictor/ Victoria.
And she sure as hell isnt as good as Linda Hunt.
Anyways, this whole night gets MESSSSSSSSAAAAAAAY.
Schwartz keeps asking people where his penis is and basically mixes all forms of liquor.
Jax pees on his dress.
Sandoval changes his wig.
Shes a real subtle gal, that Kristen Doute.
But you probably already knew that based on her iconic improv comedy show.
Kristen and Schwartz are both kinda slurring.
Schwartz is having trouble getting his beer bottle in his mouth.
It is not good.
Schwartz keeps denying the whole thing, so then Kristen chases him into the elevator.
Katie admits she didnt tell everyone because she was protecting Schwartz.
Just anyone who happened to turn into Bravos very popular series,Vanderpump Rules.
Oh and Schwartz says hes over Katie and doesnt wanna marry her.
