Tom Schwartz puts some meat in his butt.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Are we past The Go Down onVanderpump Rules?
Credit: Bravo
What are we supposed to talk about for the rest of the season?!
The holidays have no meaning now.
So anyway, Katie invites the gal pals to brunch in WeHo.
Shes devised this completely bizarre way of telling them all theyre going to be bridesmaids.
Shes taken metal tins and put a balloon in each of them.
Maybe its a nod to her industrial chic bedroom?
Katie just doesnt trust Ariana since shes friends with Lala.
BUT NOW THEYRE ALL TIN-BALLOON BUDDIES!
Then Brittany co-star of The Go Down comes up with a tagline for the group.
I think thats what she said, at least.
The group needs to work on their enunciation.
This fella is somehow immersed in the lives of the Sur employees.
He will continue to have employment to pay for that apartment he shares with some strange old man.
Sandoval and Jax come over to Schwartzs apartment.
Sandoval is still rocking a top braid no one acknowledges.
I would like us all to take a moment of silence and acknowledge Sandovals braid…
Okay, thats good enough.
He and Jax are also wearing bow ties for no discernible reason.
Then he serves them steak as the main course, which they love.
He reminds everyone these dudes have hazed him for years.
Yes, you read that correctly.
In fact, Schwartz did a whole photo shoot with the meat in his crack.
I would like to know, who exactly, took those photos?
Jax did not mind the flavor at all: Ass steaks or no ass steaks, I liked it.
Thats a wonderful quote.
Sandoval found the revenge to be Shakespearean.
She wants to make a statement, so decides shes going to send a towel in lieu of paper.
Yes, you heard that correctly.
She is sending something you wipe your hands on with her wedding details stitched on.
I do not understand.
Not in any way.
Lala decided she needed to apologize to Katie.
She felt bad for going so hard on her.
This revelation occurred while she was at Sur, wearing a suit jacket with no shirt and visible bra.
So she decides to meet Katie out in the alleyway of Sur with the extra chairs and gas tanks.
She tries to apologize, but Katie is not feelin it in any way.
She only has time to think about mailing her wedding-invite towels and does not feel like forgiving Lala.
Lala says Katie has thrown mean lines to her as well.
Lala then goes into a lovely definition of whore.
I hope someone from Webster was watching tonights ep.
The food spread includes some pistachios, banana chips, and rolled deli meats.
Its unclear if any of these items have spent time in Schwartzs nether region.
Luckily, Brittany is there to offer some good Sur wisdom: Chug some of my vodka soda.
And chug she does.
Katie takes Kristen and Stassi into her bedroom to see how shes rearranged the furniture.
Kristen deems it industrial chic.
I deem it a brick wall with lots of visible cords and a desk from the late 90s.
SHE WAS FACING HER!
At least she can plan on a good nights sleep in that industrial chic bedroom.
