Are your children asking how babies get made?

Would you prefer to never answer them, ever?

But a select few lucky babies are selected for management.

They get a suit, a briefcase, a cubicle, atitle.

If youll allow me to write something I already regret thinking: TheBoss Babymythology is surprisingly complicated.

Especially considering that the film starts quiet and suburban, following the imaginative adventures of young Tim Templeton.

Hes seven years old, and the only-child apple of his parents eyes.

There are no smartphones or video games, so perhaps we are in the past.

An older Tim providesWonder Years-ian narration: Back then, you relied on your imagination.

Tims life is happy, and immediately disrupted.

His parents introduce him to a new member of the family.

For Tims parents, this new baby is merely as impossible as any other endlessly requiring infant.

He keeps them up all night; he ruins every dinner; he takes all their attention away.

He was the beloved only child; now, he is the forgotten elder child.

But Tim discovers that this new arrival isntjusta typical annoying baby brother.

Its time, the Boss Baby tells his big brother, to make way for the next generation.

The Boss Baby grabs Tims humble Lamb doll and crushes it with an imitation Optimus Prime.

He hosts a playdate and turns his baby brethren into a slobbering attack squad.

Hes a cool know-it-all who likes double espressos and spicy tuna rolls.

But theres an extended backyard action sequence that hits the madcap heights of classic old Looney Tunes.

Someone throws a baby through a window; its funny, I swear!

But then the Boss Baby takes Tim on an exposition-heavy tour ofBoss Babymythology think The Ancient One and Dr.

Strange and the multiverse, except more complicated.

One thinks of General Turgidson inDr.

It all becomes very algorithmic.

It feels like the kind of movie you make when different bosses demand different things.

No one can afford it, says the Boss Baby, Thats what makes it so wonderful.

Lets be clear: The Boss Baby is a terrible, horrendous, totally miserable little creature.

Which I guess is its own weird kind of triumph.

Let me sum up half the gags in this miserable movie: Hahaha, money!

Like many DreamWorks movies,The Boss Babys most imaginative moments are the random asides.

Tims fantasy sequences are illustrated with zesty abstraction.

The villains backstory is explained via an elaborate 2D/3D picture-book montage.

Its not surprising that the film adaptation tosses all that whimsy out the door.

DreamWorks output since then has been prolific, and mixed.

Katzenberg himself left DreamWorks Animation last year.

He hates kid stuff but loves memos.

No wonder kids are so messed up!

Thats a line that goes right back toShreks knowingly self-aware yet never particularlychallenging take on fairy tales.

and then going to seeTransformers 5.

Consider the whole quotemarky Its just a joke!

tone of online discourse, the rise of smirking insincerity as a political modeandan intellectual dialectic.

And then theresThe Boss Baby, merely mediocre yet disturbingly familiar, for we are all Boss Babies now.C