Well, then weve got a treat for you!
Because althoughThe Bachelorhas never been known for its subtlety, they take this opening to another level.
Maybe even multiple nights.
Credit: ABC
Youre welcome for that.
Spoiler: Its actually pretty difficult, so its a good thing their trip ends with some adorable reindeer.
Sitting down, Rachel tells Nick that shes scared, and guess what?
To help her open up, he tells her that they can be scared together.
(Is it just me, or did they just write their wedding vows?
Scared together, till death do us part.)
Well, thats one way to make someone feel special, I suppose?
Nick, taking things one step further, declares, I might be white but Im still a minority.
Wow, real subtle there, buddy.
Nick continues with the subtlety when he tells Rachel he cant do anything unless he knows where he stands.
Rachel admits thats its hard for her to verbalize things, to which Nick responds, Like what?
SHE JUST SAID ITS DIFFICULT FOR HER TO VERBALIZE IT.
what is this, a therapy session?
she responds with, That Im falling in love with you.
Then she adorably hides in her sweater and Nick tells her that hes falling, too.
After Nick makes her breakfast, she ponders the possibility of meeting his family.
Hopefully we can seal the deal, she says.
Because nothing says romance like the potential of stopping your heart.
This is way better than that time she vomited in zero gravity!
And heres where things get heated (and not because of the hot tub).
Nick is quick to bring up that Vanessas family is very traditional and he is not.
But Vanessas not here to comfort him.
She might speak three languages and look like that, but she thinks lunch is a value.)
Vanessa claims that spending three hours a week with her family is what keeps them close.
Translation: Shes not leaving Montreal.
In this moment, Nick realizes something: What if were too similar?
Hes realizing that theres the chance that theyre both too stubborn to make a relationship work.
So shes eitherreallystubborn or she also suffers from short-term memory loss.
Over dinner, they find a way to relate: Montreal and Chicago both have bad winters!
Maybe this relationship can work!
But then the conversation quickly comes back to the idea of compromise and meeting in the middle.
When Vanessa asks about Nick moving to Canada, he admits that hes never pictured living there.
But at the same time, he claims hed do anything for the woman he loves.
Translation: DO YOU LOVE ME?
Well, theyre pretty much the same as Vanessas flaws hes impulsive, hes hard-headed.
And now were back to the whole are we too similar conversation.
Round and around we go!
And when she says that, Nick tears up.
That brings us to the rose ceremony, where Nick sends Rachel home.
According to Nick, Rachels amazing and he thinks about that fact all the time.
Babies take naps, Jasmine claims, thereby offending babies everywhere with the Corinne comparison.
But wait, this actually isnt about a nap.
(With insults like that, why havent we seen more of this surefire star??)
But, thankfully, Elizabeth doesnt just have thoughts on Corinne.
Moving to the Hot Seat portion of the show, Harrison invites Liz on stage to share her story.
According to her, when she first met Nick, she was still interested in someone else.
Theres no way this is about Liz building wells in orphanages…
Sadly, it doesnt seem like were getting an answer on this matter.
On to the next one…
Taylor joins Harrison on stage to share her definition ofemotional intelligence.
(Apparently, being called a swamp monster is the worst thing to ever happen to Taylors career.
In related news, no one actually knows what a swamp monster is.)
So Corinne does the only thing SHE can do: She gets a glass of champagne.
Taylor gives a speech about how anyone in the helping profession should be encouraged.
(Why, because theyre a good person?
Maybe even better than others?
Im sorry; its just so easy to get sucked in.)
Just like everybody poops.
Theres a book about it.
Im not the brightest crayon in the box.
NEXT: I nap, you nap, we all nap!
Taylor denies saying those words, which somehow, brings us back around to freakin naps.
Taylor naps too, guys!
She even has a shirt saying she loves naps!
Corinne manipulated that entire situation so that she never had to apologize.
Moving on, Harrison wants to talk about Racquel.
Corinne reveals that Racquel moved from New Jersey to live with them when her mother was battling ovarian cancer.
She only called her her nanny out of respect because she would never call her her cleaning lady.
Everyone except Taylor, whos way too good for pasta.
As Liz puts it, women should be building each other up, not tearing each other down!
Once Kristinas reality check is over, Nick joins in on the fun mediocre time.
And then theres Alexis, who was perfectly happy in the friend zone.
She demands yes or no answers to three questions: Did we have chemistry?
Did we have fun?
Did we have intellectual conversation?
THEN WHAT WAS MISSING?
One set of bloopers later, and its Rachels turn to join Chris Harrison on stage.
As for the women, they loooove Rachel and are more than happy to take her leftovers.
As for being the first black Bachelor/Bachelorette, Rachel feels like the perfect word is honored.
And thank god THAT is over.
If you all need me, Ill be fixing cheese pasta and donating money to the Womens March.
