Lets analyze this, shall we?
Pretty sure thats not what Jay was talking about.
In other words, HIT THE ROAD, JACK.
Credit: Matt Brown/ABC
She tells him to take his quote and shove it find his joy elsewhere.
After Rachel informs the guys that DeMarios definitely not coming back, they continue with the cocktail party.
Then theres Alex, whoalmostcompletes a Rubiks cube, which is onlyalmostimpressive.
And that brings us to Lucas, who explains to Rachel that Blake just doesnt like him.
Hes the kid who didnt claim the dog ate his homework growing up.
He claimed aliens abducted it.
Rachel, asking the hard-hitting questions, asks Did he finish the banana?
I dont even want to know what that means.
(And I just realized that Ive definitely gone carb free in the past while eating bananas.
(Reminder: Dean, Josiah, and Peter already had roses going into the evening.)
Also gone is Jamey, but nobody cares.
As he puts it, his feud with Blake was literally trash.
Meanwhile, Blake is the only person whos shocked that hes going home with the clown.
As both men complain about the other, Blake heads over to confront Lucas outside the mansion.
F you, bro.
Youre a piece of s, Blake says, elegantly laying out his reasons for disliking another human being.
I got drug into your s, he adds, proving that he do good with grammar.
Blake calls Lucas a wannabe comedian before he gives us the greatest whaboom weve gotten to date.
But Lucas tries to explain to him that its not about winning.
Its about the world, brother, Lucas says.
And you have no idea what the world needs.
And this is where things truly go south.
Ive honestly never been so embarrassed as a human being and liberated as a woman at the same time.
And theyre going toThe Ellen DeGeneres Show!
As the guys walk through security, Rachel gives Ellen the rundown.
Also, Im 60 percent sure Jonathan has never kissed a woman.
Did Bryan just call Rachel his sloppy seconds?!
Watch it, dude.
Will, however, uses the opportunity to win Ellen over.
And then theres Alex, whose dancing is as loud as his patterned pants.
I wonder if Rachel has the exact same ones.
The men then sit down to play a little Never Have I Ever.
That last one hits Fred hard because he claims that Rachel is so deeply rooted in my soul.
Its time for this guy to step up his game.
I know theres a left and right brain, but Ive never heard of corresponding eyes.
But whatever, it gets the guy a kiss, so good for him.
And just as his words make her tear up, he kisses her.
Is this the time that you feel that I can kiss you?
he asks her, to which Rachel literally recoils.
Shes never been asked before, and guess what?
But for Fred, it was perfect.
Spoiler: Rachel didnt have the same sort of epiphany.
When she pulls him aside a few minutes later, its not to give him the date rose.
Its to give him the boot.
She just cant let go of the image of Fred she had before the show.
That hurts ME, and I dont even care.
So with Fred going home to find his next older woman, Rachel gives the date rose to Alex.
The next day, Rachel has a one-on-one date with Anthony, a.k.a.
that nice guy weve heard talk twice at most.
Today, theyre riding horses around Rodeo Drive because L.A. is a magical land.
And as someone who regularly visits Sprinkles, Im betting thats just a larger version of their dog cupcakes.
Also, did they not have enough time to come up with a more creative name?
Now, all Anthony wants is to pay it forward, and Rachel is loving it.
Dean and Lee both win a match before Kenny starts picking off guys left and right.
To be fair, this guys a professional wrestler.
While the guys rinse off theyre literally given a hose Rachel asks her girls for their opinions.
(Yeah, shes not even sort of interested in anything Jacks saying.)
Lee then admits that hearing Eric scream at Iggy the other night, things changed for him.
Well, they did, but they didnt.
He still loves Eric, but that screaming was weird.
But he still loves him.
Look out, Hollywood!
Im coming for you!
Okay, Ill stop now.
He then finds Eric to let him know what he just told Rachel.
Eric cant seem to wrap his head around why Iggy cares hes a man!
Hes not dating Eric!
but in the end, the two part on good terms.
But Erics not done yet.
Eric promises that he never questioned her, and she chooses to believe him.
But from here on out, she warns him that shell be watching him.
Keeping that in mind, Eric gathers the guys and lets Angry Man out of his cage.
My name is in your mouth!
And if Rachel cant hear that, then this mansion is impressively sound-proofed.
Unable to take anymore man fights, Im going to leave you all until next week.
If you need me before then, Ill be avoiding all men everywhere.
