Megan is ready for lovemaking.
What a roller coaster!
But this week, her drive is clear and simple: Megan is horny!
Credit: Daniel Power/E!
Shes clearly enjoying her new life as the future Mrs. Kyle West.
We know this because we see her smiling in Kyles shower in between aspirational close-ups of the fancy faucets.
This house is luxe AF!
Hes sending his wife Shelly Miscavige Deann (also Kyles producing partner) along in his place.
But when Deann stops by his office to discuss the trip, the dialogue that ensues is downright puzzling.
DEANN: I see youve made plans to join us in Venice.
TERENCE: Thats because I couldnt bear the thought of being here without you.
DEANN: Hmm, I imagine that must be very hard for you.
TERENCE (pressed against her): Its getting hard for you actually.
(Why is everyone so horny this week?!)
DEANN: Youre mirroring me.
TERENCE: Does it feel as false for you as it does for me?
He says it feels false?
Do they have an Arrangement too?!
I dont know whats real anymore!)
My boyfriend disagrees).
(Apparently Megan still has her place and her friends!
Im sure thatll all be changing soon.)
Nic just heard about this Kyle West thing, and hes pissed!
Megan and Nic step outside to scream at each other.
But honestly Id love to see them back together.)
Hes just looking for some nobody-hot-actress to keep him warm for a week.
And hes gonna be real bummed when he finds out you cant even do that!
(No one has ever sounded more Canadian than this guy saying this line.
My Canadian boyfriend agrees.)
That means no sad faces and no angry faces.
Be mindful, he warns her gravely.
Bye bitch, she basically replies.
And she hasnt even begun her IHM mind-training yet!
(Megans answer: Backstreet Boys.
Mine: Cyndi Lauper.
My mom is amazing!)
Kyle surprises Megan with dinner on a boat he has chartered, or something, and she swoons.
Once again, Megan just wants to lovemake… but Kyles gotta get back to work.
And finally we learn Kyle and Megans celeb-name portmanteau: KYGAN.
(Sounds like your worst friends toddlers name, right?
Although in retrospect, TomKat wasnt so great either.
Go ahead and try.
Actually Justifers not the worst…)
Kyle does a Skype meditation/auditing sesh with Terence.
(Can we just call him Terry for fun?
Lets LIVE, you guys!)
Seems like… kind of good advice?
Megans not having the best time at the festival.
Theres a tense run-in with Kyle and Lisbeth, and a photographer catches Megans stank-faced reaction.
(The media eats it up: Is Kygan on the rocks already?!)
(Nicole Kidman would never!)
The poor girl just wants to bone!
But Megan does make a friend at the festival: free-spirited indie actress Daisy Something (Brit Morgan).
Daisy and her friends insist that Megan come party with them.
Mafia pasta sexy time gimme kiss American girl!
Im bummed, but in his defense, hes been missingFeudfor this thing.)
Back at the hotel, Kyle broods over the paparazzo incident and Megan comforts him lovingly.
And then finally FINALLY!
they lovemake by the fire.
The next morning, Megan is standing on the sidelines watching Kyles press junket when Terry rolls up.
and threatens to terminate the contract.
Her friend Hope tweeted it!
Its unclear… but its not good.
He tells her she needs to manage her problem with authority.
And were left wondering: Is this what Trump says to Kellyanne?
Or, more importantly, is this what Miscavige said to Leah Remini?
