The loved ones are not pushed to their limits
I think I need to see a doctor.
Not a Sex Doctor, mind you.
Rather, I need a doctor for matters above the belt the neck, specifically.
Credit: CBS
Because I am suffering from some seriousSurvivorwhiplash.
And Im guessing I am far from alone.
Only problem is, vengeance-seeking Chrissy refuses to go along and insists on voting Ben out.
So then Mike goesbackto Lauren and squeals on Ben, so now they all plan to vote for Ben.
Then, at Tribal Council, Ryan and Mike decide to vote for Lauren.
Chrissy then agrees to that.
BUT THEN SHE VOTES FOR BEN!
Say what?!?!?
But Ben doesnotgo home because he plays an idol.
You presumably came here for me to make sense of all of this, but I cant.
In truth, it all could not have worked out better for either them or us.
For viewers, we got to watch levels upon levels of strategy and gamesmanship.
First off, she told everyone about her extra vote.
That, coupled with the idol she procured, made her a target.
Information is power, and she gave away way too much information in this game.
Her second error was giving away half of her immunity to Mike, rendering the half she kept useless.
It falls into those stupidest moves ever inSurvivorhistory, said Mike.
And the only question is, do theSurvivorgods make her pay for it or not?
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Look, I get what Lauren was trying to do here.
Mike is done trusting anyone.
So yeah, Lauren screwed up, and Im sure shes not happy about it.
Then again, is Lauren happy about anything?
Did we ever even see her crack a smile in 33 days?
AndSurvivorshould be fun although I suppose Keith Nale would disagree.
Survivor Aint Fun seemed to be enjoying himself out there, like when he stole the tuk-tuk.
And Im very curious to see how that translates to her new role as a member of the jury.
But thats looking way too far ahead.
Lets buckle up and recap the rest of this S.O.B.
I just believe people when they tell me something, laments the Sex Doctor.
Chrissy, however, goes on the offensive.
What you did tonight really showed your true colors, she tells the wannabe Daniel Day-Lewis.
Youre such a jerk, Ben.
If you cant handle being lied to, DONT PLAYSURVIVOR!!!
(And I say this as someone who actually likes Chrissy.)
Okay, enough ranting.
Lets go watch people break down and cry for 10 minutes.
Yes, its the loved ones visit!
I dig the loved ones visit.
Not because I am so moved by these super-emotional displays of affection.
You all know me better than that.
No, I dig it because you see contestants at their most vulnerable.
(In charge of love?
Does that mean Chrissy and her husband just became island pimps or something?
So for them to both be appearing together on the beach and on the show is pretty awesome.
This is my dream, said Ryan.
Sharing this moment with my dad, its the best moment of my life.
(See, even I can get a bit sappy!)
But the true champion relative has to be none other than Laurens sister Sunny.
I cant tell you how much I love that.
Clearly the well of emotion runs pretty deep in this family.
Such a baller move.
(Talk about Blood vs.
But really, all the reunions were nice to see.
I wish I could say the same about what the loved ones did once they were all out there.
Now, in the past the loved ones challenge has gone one of two ways.
Usually the players compete while the loved ones watch, but sometimes the loved ones competewiththe contestants.
I never understand why they dont do this every time because it almost always leads to absolute gold.
Finally, were back to the good stuff!
If a player and loved one pulled the same color, they stayed alive.
If not, they were out.
It was a game based entirely, 100 percent on luck, with no skill involved.
And, as a result, it was also pretty damn boring to watch.
(Dont ask me why I love pulling rocks as a tiebreaker but hate it as a challenge.
I just do!)
I dont know what happened here.
Or maybe they just decided that minimalist was the way to go.
The thing is, I like minimalist!
Ive been lobbying for years for them to bring back that lastHands on a Hardbody-inspired immunity competition fromBorneo.
Simple is often super dramatic but not when it is just based on luck.
Just a missed opportunity here, I would say.
No Oooooh, this is really difficult decision.
No Gee whiz, cant I bring everyone?
Chrissy doesnt even pretend to make a show of feeling bad for the people she does not pick.
In fact, she tells us, she reveled in it.
And now Im going to check that that he regrets that he ever crossed me.
Hell hath no fury like a Survivor scorned.
Theres no softness around the edges with her.
The signature move is making that move by yourself now!
Thats a signature move!
Of course, thats all kind of a lie.
Because lets play along and see what happens.
Lets say Ashleydoesflip and join Chrissy, Ryan, and Mike in getting Ben out.
(Of course, maybe she did and we simply didnt see it.)
While Chrissy is enjoying her vengeance against Ben, Ben is creating some of his own back at her.
Hes making a fake idol and wants to plant it so others find it.
I have a few questions about this.
First off, does he have a note with a previous idol to go with it?
Because if not, is anyone going to buy that phony baloney?
Whats the tactical advantage here?
Arent you just unnecessarily pissing off jury members?
Hiding idols at challenges: stellar idea!
Although this one was a littletooeasy to get.
Is it worth dropping out of an immunity challenge to get an idol?
I cant say I blame them.
Apparently Ive hit my quota of annoying ideas to pitch.)
You drop a disc, youre out.
The reason I approve of challenges like this is not because I enjoy watching people suffer.
Its why I love the finalThailandcoin challenge.
Its all about mastering your pain.
Im talking about hookers.
Ill tell you someone who is definitelynothaving a good time, and that is Ben.
The former Marine is huffing and puffing and looks like he is about to blow himself down.
Sure enough, he is the first one out of the contest, followed by Chrissy and Ryan.
Why she just did not let them drop and crash is beyond me.
That she took the time and effort to carefully remove them was simultaneously hilarious, bizarre, and terrific.
And then why would you point it out?
So Ashley wins and then the crazy carnival of strategy shenanigans begins.
It was absolutely cringetastic.
Will Tony Vlachos just venture to hide inside Ben next time he comes to play?
As the Sex Doctor said himself, It is vengeance at this point.
That can be situationally true, but look at the situation she is in: Whom elsecanshe trust?
What other options does she have?
How does that make sense?
Im prepared to let that go.
So if you are telling me the truth, I am with you and lets go do this.
But if you are lying to me yet again, your game is done.
Whats it going to be?
Now, let me be clear about something.
That would be super lame.
(Unfortunately, it happens all the time.)
HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong withthreateningto do that.
Its just one of many calculated bluffs that can be made throughout the game.
Are they auditioning for roles onThe Good Placeor something?
Because that was pure comedy.
Weve heard the three of them discuss the possibility of turning on Ben fordaysnow.
And yet now they are getting all holier than thou about trust?
Also, did Lauren really not bring her extra vote to Tribal?
I couldnt tell if that was fact or fiction.
You always bring every idol and advantage with you just because YOU NEVER TRULY KNOW.
And if you get in trouble, you cant play it if you dont have it.
Another thing will never be played?
That was assured once Mike threw the half she had given him into the Tribal Council fire.
But much like Bluto talking about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor forget it, hes rolling.
This whole season has served as Exhibit A as to the dangers of sharing information.
Joe asked Cole to help him find an idol, and then Cole told everyone.
Cole also told everyone about Jessicas advantage.
Lauren told everyone about her extra vote and it made her a target.
Jeff, heres what people are saying at home, said Ben at Tribal.
Dont reveal that you have an idol or an advantage.
I feel like we have been saying thatfor years.
And yet people keep doing it, and people keep paying the price.
And thank God they do, because it makes for fantastic television.
This season has definitely picked up since the merge.
Its certainly not an all-time great for me, but its not an immediate afterthought either.
But thats for next week.
Were not done with this week yet.
Thats because we have an exclusive deleted scene from last nights episode for you above.
And our weeklyQ&A with Hostmaster General Jeff Probstis always a must-read.
Want to hear from the ousted Lauren?
ET, and well have that up later on EW.com as well.
And for moreSurvivorscoop, follow me on the Twitter@DaltonRoss.
Okay, now itsyourturn.
Did you want to see Ben or Lauren go?
Were you as underwhelmed by the loved ones challenge as I was?
And who do you want to see win from those who are left?
