Dom and Chris Noble take their feud to the next level.
I mean, I guess the merge name of Lavita is onlyokay.
Didnt really knock my socks off or anything.
Credit: Robert Voets/CBS
Thats pretty much the only non-effusive thing I can say about this latest episode ofSurvivor: Ghost Island.
I kept telling you all how excited I was for this season.
And then we waited.
Sure, there were some really good episodes in there.
The season moved on.
Not amazing for me, not terrible, but just fine.
And theres nothing wrong with that.
But it hadnt lived up to the hype I had created in my own head.
This week not only lived up to it, but surpassed it.
Im one of the Notre Dame football players when Rudy courageously returns to the field.
Im some high-schooler minding his own business by his locker when Lucas gets his varsity jacket.
Im one of those freezing idiots watching an outdoor hockey game inMystery, Alaska.
Im all of those epic slow-claps rolled into one when I express my love for this episode.
First of all, this was indisputably the biggest storyline of the merge.
You want to show the story of what was happening at camp?
Which leads me to the other thing I loved: watching how everybody else reacted to this brodown-throwdown.
We saw Libby and Jenna weighing which side to sign up with.
But make no mistake, it was mostly about those two.
And watching them so openly take each other on gave me a huge sense ofSurvivordeja vu.
It was absolutely glorious to watch.
(And it was, as Rob was sent home after Tyson essentially and inexplicably voted himself out.)
This was basically the same thing.
An epic battle between two titans (in their own minds).
It was like Rocky versus Drago.
Andre the Giant versus Hulk Hogan.
Jimmy Kimmel versus Sean Hannity.
Bette Davis versus Joan Crawford.
Alexander Hamilton versus Aaron Burr.
Anyway, you get the point.
One of them had to go, and in the end it was Chris Noble.
But lets pay tribute to one of the most unintentionally hilarious contestants in the history of the game.
Like LeBron in the finals, I wont take a breather.)
and self-congratulatory quotes (I would love to compare myself to the Dwayne Wade, man.
I started at the bottom and now Im here.)
at a truly impressive rate.
But contrary to his inability to properly pronounce the wordbeneficiary, Chris Noble was no dummy.
Rather, Chris Noble correctly ascertained that they want to make me their friend so they can slash me.
(He also said he was too suave to buy it, but he pronounced itswa-vey.
I am just going to hope and assume it was the latter.
(Recap continues on next page)
Of course, Chris Noble was suspicious.
No, no, no, no!
Because the name of this game is strike the other personbeforethey strike you.
I would have done the same thing.
But Chris Noble also had a secret.What, thats hes totally awesome?No, everyone already knows that.
And if they didnt, Chris Noble sure as hell told them!
I am definitely going for it, Chris Noble said.
So Chris Noble picked the first left bamboo…and was correct!
And then he picked the second right bamboo…and lost his vote.
Have you all noticed something?
Because thats what I do I watchSurvivorand notice things.
People even pay me to do this, if you’re free to believe it.
The left bamboo every single time.
Whats that all about?
I NEED TO KNOW!
Hed then still be in the game.
I dont want to be that guy that gets sent home that had an idol and didnt use it.
So I definitely plan on reversing the curse.
I will have it in my pocket and ready to rock.
The truth is, after he said that, I knew Chris Noble was a goner.
Deep down, Chris Noble probably knew it as well.
Thats just the way theSurvivorgods work.
I loved the juxtaposition of this entire segment.
Sure enough, Donathan squealed to Dom.
Can you imagine it?
Would have been hilarious.
Hilarious, but Im not sure anything could have topped this Tribal Council.
AND SEA BASS HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING THIS TRIBAL COUNCIL!
But the Dom and Chris Noble stuff was off the charts.
Chris Noble then responded that, Im cool with it being a showdown.
IM COOL WITH IT BEING A SHOWDOWN TOO!
LETS HAVE A SHOWDOWN!
We had Dom talking about being scared.
And then when the voting started…things just got better!
How could that be?!?
How could things possibly get better than absolutely perfect?
And yet they did.
Go get em, buddy!
Dom exclaimed to Chris Noble as he went up to vote.
Nothing against you guys, Love ya.
Classy touch, Chris Noble!
he bellowed so that everyone could hear.
Its been a pleasure serving you coffee for 22 days!
See you on the other side, brother!
But it paled when compared to Wendells vote.
Everything pales in comparison to Wendells vote.
And when I sayeverything, I dont just mean everything in the voting.
I dont just mean everything in the episode.
I dont just mean everything in the season.
I dont just mean everything in the history ofSurvivor.
I mean everything in the history of things.
First, a little background.
I dont know what it is about Probst and Joes pizza.
Look, its good pizza!
I had a slice just last week.
Probst wants folks to say something interesting.
Hes making a TV show for crying out loud!
And we want the same thing.
So what Wendell just delivered and I dont say this lightly is the anti-Joes.
This was all of Jeff Probsts and my and your dreams come true.
And it was funny as hell.
Ladies and gentlemen, Wendell Holland:
We won a lot together.
But socially, you dont know what youre doing.
I hope you stop saying I so much.
I hope you start listening to people.
And finally… somebody had to say it.
Youre trash… at rapping.
Youre garbage at rapping.
You have no bars.
Put the mic down, bro.
Put the pen down, bro.
The only problem is, I could not disagree more with the content of your speech.
You actually have this completely backwards.
If anything, we should all beencouragingChris Noble to rap even more!
Why would you attempt to silence the genius of Chris Noble?!?
Can you not handle his heat?
Worried hes gonna drop rhymes the way D-Wade drops threes?
If you cant handle the Noble, then youre not ready to get global!
(Disclaimer: I have no idea what that means.)
If Chris Noble ceases any and all rap activity then Wendell Holland shall heretofore become my mortal enemy.
Still, nice speech.
But heres something I loved almost as much as Wendells rant.
Instead, Chris Noble immediately turned to Dom and said Good game.
Dom stood up and the two hugged.
Good luck, brother, Dom said to The Noble One.
Their beef was personal.
Yet once the score was settled, no grudges.
That made everything that came before it so much sweeter.
It was the perfect ending.
And Chris Noble continued the love-in on his way out.
Great job, he said to Wendell.
Thank you, Probst.
Appreciate it, he said to the host.
Look, Chris had some problems with self-awareness in this game.
No doubt about it.
Plus, he was hilarious, even if he didnt necessarily mean to be.
So major props to Chris Noble, even if he did end up just like J.T.
by not using the idol to save himself.
(How do you like the gut over head and heart argument now, Kellyn?!?)
Plus, how can you not love a guy that does this?
Did anyone there catch it?
Okay, okay, okay youre sick of me talking about how great this episode was.
But the whole thing was so invigorating.
The other great thing about the Dom and Chris Noble feud is that its now over.
Those are just a few.
at the very least we have just been served up a trueSurvivorclassic.
Now excuse me while I go rewatch it and devour the whole thing over again.
As for you, you have some other goodies to peruse.
And for moreSurvivorscoop, follow me on Twitter@DaltonRoss.
Were you Team Dom or Team Noble?
Where does Wendells voting speech rank compared to some of the other greats?
And whos your pick to win this damn thing?
Weigh in on the message boards below and Ill be back next week with another scoop of the crispy!
