In a season full of big personalities, one of the biggest goes home early.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
One of the most entertaining players inSurvivorhistory, taken from us way too soon.
Credit: Timothy Kuratek/CBS
Any excuse to keep Tony.
Hell, make Tonyhimselfthe hidden immunity idol, meaning he is automatically placed right back into the game.
That makes absolutely no sense!"
Which is precisely why I loved it so much.
It sucks to lose Tony and it would have sucked to have lost Sandra.
Their feud lasted only half an episode but already goes down as the best heavyweight battle inSurvivorhistory.
Here you had two winners (with three championship belts between them) going toe to toe.
The self-proclaimed Queen and King ofSurvivorin a royal feud.
And I found myself in the odd position of rooting forbothof them.
ME: “The tribe has spoken!”
Look, no offense to Hali.
Also, can we just start the Ponderosa videos right now, hey?
Because I have a feeling Tony has no off switch and is still up to his crazy antics.
It’s just a hunch, but a pretty solid one.
But okay, grieving over.
Because it’s time to recap the rest of this double-dose ofSurvivorgoodness.
Plus, I’ve got some treats for you and a big announcement.
(you’re free to check them out for yourself and follow me on Instagram@thedaltonross.)
Each time someone is voted out, we will give away that person’s vote.
We will then pick a winner each week to receive the vote.
So Tony and Ciera’s votes are both up for grabs!
Read on and find out how to enter and win!
Okay, enough yappin'.
Let’s recap this son of a bitch because I am excited to get to it!
Jeff Probst pulled a fast one on us in the walk-up to this season.
Actually, eliminate the qualifier: I loved it.
So let’s get to it.
NEXT: Men (and women) overboard!
There’s Tony in his Spy ShackTM!
There’s Malcolm giving away his extra immunity idol!
There’s Sandra telling off Russell!
There’s Cirie convincing Erik to give away his immunity and then voting him off!
Debbie’s a hoot, for sure.
Just a little odd, that choice there.
But none of that matters.
But hey, at least he didn’t laugh.
That’s what makes him the best in the business, folks!
Anyhoo, they all applaud each other for being Game Changers and then J.T.
Look, that probably wasn’t the smartest thing for J.T.
This is especially confusing because there don’t appear to be any orange buffs!
At least not as far as I can tell.
I see what appear to beredbuffs, but not orange.
Have I suddenly gone colorblind or is this like that whole “What Color is the Dress?”
But that’s not the only twist.
Andrea picks up a box of food but does not notice there is a secret advantage envelope right underneath.
Sierra eventually spots it and proceeds to stick it in the back of her underwear.
Look, the whole jump-off-the-boat thing has been done onSurvivorso many times, but I don’t care.
I still love it.
The other interesting thing of note is the disorganization of the Mana tribe.
And then after that, they could not even paddle away from the boat.
I remember thinking to myself,I wonder if this will carry over into the challenges.It obviously did.
NEXT: Tony digs deep… at his own camp
So off to the beaches we go!
Then, within seconds of hitting the beach, Tony sprints away while screaming like a lunatic.
Now, granted, that makes no sense, but that’s my best shot at it.
Again, I cannot emphasize enough what a terrible idea the underground spy bunker is.
Also, what if someone, like, steps on you?
So many problems with this plan.
Nobody under 40 will understand what the hell I am talking about.
I mean, that was a hard fall.
It looks like that seriously hurt.
So why am I laughing?
Clearly editors thought it was a funny moment as well because they put it in there.
Or does the fact that I recognize it and amstilllaughing make me even worse?
See, this is the throw in of stuff I think about when I am not thinking aboutSurvivor.
By the way, I just devoted an entire paragraph to Caleb slipping and falling on the rocks.
Okay, so back to crazy Tony.
Ciera says they should get rid of him.
As much as Idespisethis idea, it makes sense.
But now, because Ciera has been throwing names out,shehas become a target.
Which is kind of silly, but silly things happen onSurvivor.
Meanwhile, over at Nuku, these bastards are living the high life.
Hey, who wants to dig up feuds from 18 seasons ago?
Ozzy, that’s who!
Ozzy starts telling folks around camp that hisMicronesianemesis Cirie should be the first to go.
Freeze’s ray gun.
It’s actually difficult to watch.
Watching people lie badly is one of the most uncomfortable things imaginable.
Seriously, I can’t take it anymore.
Let’s head to the immunity challenge before I gouge my eyes out.
Whenwedid it, however, there was one key difference.
(I actually pushed us off it in a lame attempt to get us back on track.)
We eventually had to paddle our raftbackwardsjust to get back on course.
This makes it a bit harder.
I’ve already stated my position on this, but I’m a fan.
Okay, back to the challenge.
It’s a comfortable lead as both teams finally make their way back to the beach and…
Wait, WHAT THE HELL IS MANA DOING?
DON’T LET CALEB START DIGGING!!!
Let’s just say the dude has a history.
You know what that is right there?
GAME CHANGER!!!
But hey, Mana shoudn’t worry.
After all, they have Ciera on the puzzle theexact sameship’s wheel puzzle she did inBlood vs. Water.
With a huge advantage like that, they can’t lose!
She at least did it!
She now knows the error of her ways!
Why lose when you’re able to win?
Why be the same when you might be a… GAME CHANGER!
Anyway, Ciera loses again.
Seriously, it wasn’t even close.
Soooooo… Game Stay the Samer, then?
That’s not Ciera’s only problem.
Her tribe wants her gone for reasons that remain murky at best something about playing the game?
She doesn’t like being used as a pawn and why should she?
but makes no effort to hide the fact, which is unlikely to curry much favor within the tribe.
Since Ciera is clearly a goner, let’s take a minute to appreciate the Tribal Council set.
I got to check it out up close, and it is awesome.
I absolutely love it.
But you know who doesn’t love it?
Well, that’ll do it for me.
And I was actually able to keep this under 4,000 words so that makes usallwinners.
I’ll see you next week with another scoop of… We have a whole other hour to go?
This is just halftime?
Let’s move on to hour No.
2 then, shall we?
Let’s face it, the first Tribal was pretty uneventful.
“I’m bored,” says Hurricane Vlachos.
“I’m tried of just sitting back.
I gotta jump into action.
It’s time to make some moves.”
They will protect each other and thereby ensure that they do not become targets.
He seals the deal with Sandra with a talk at the water well.
In fact,allof Tony’s talks seem to happen at the water well.
And Tony’s is the water well.
(Side note: Does this make Caleb Ralph Malph?)
The alliance lasts less than day.
But unfortunately for Tony, company is on the way.
Okay, he’s just hiding so he doesn’t get caught building his nonsensical underground spy bunker.
Nothing wrong with that… Tony aggressively confronts them about their nighttime chat.
And what a show it is.
“This is my game,” she tells us.
“You know that saying where he says, ‘You’re only the king until the queen arrives’?
I’m here.”
What Sandra lacks in humility she makes up for by being a freakin' BOSS!
The super secret Survivor pre-game vote-off giveaway.
This week we have two votes to give away from Ciera and Tony.
Ciera voted for Sierra, incidentally, while Tony voted for Sandra WHOOPS!
Anyway, here’s how to win one of them.
Email your answer to survivor@ew.com,along with your preference for either Tony or Ciera’s vote.
Winners will be contacted directly.
Good luck!!!
Oh, and this is only open for those in the U.S. and Canada.
Sorry, overseas readers!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Survivor recap, still in progress.]
At least, IthoughtI was fortunate until I did the damn thing.
And then the challenge began.
Let me just say something Survivorchallenges are always hard.
None of them came even close to the snake from hell.
This is easily the most difficult challenge I’ve ever done.
I actually usually do pretty well inSurvivorchallenges.
But I have one Achilles heal: When it comes right down to it, I am a weakling.
No upper body strength, no lower body strength, no strength at all.
A strong breeze has been known to knock me on my ass from time to time.
But then it came time to get the snake out of the cage.
And then it was not all good.
In fact, it was very bad.
Now, I’m no dummy.
That’s okay, I figured.
I’ll be better once we get out of the cage.
Surely I could redeem myself by tossing rings onto those poles that spelled out immunity?
I actually thought it was a design flaw and complained to the producers halfway through.
on the ring toss.
Can’t fault him for the Mana loss.
We head back to the Mana camp, where Sandra and Tony are trying their best to rally troops.
you should probably get burned to learn you’ve got the option to get burned?
What does that even mean?
The whole point of this game is tonotget burned.
Presumably you already know this.
Just gonna put that out there.
Sure enough, the votes come back, and Tony is crushingly eliminated from the game.
And then the real fireworks begin.
“Sheep being led to the slaughter,” says Tony as he stands up.
“That’s what you get and the queen stays queen.”
“You guys are suckers if you allow that to happen,” says Tony to the other players.
“That’s what you get,” mocks Sandra.
“Take your ass home.”
Then, as Tony walks off into the cold blue light of death, “Byeeeee, Tony.
Say hi to Ciera for me.”
It’s all so good.
I never want it to end.
Why does it have to end?
I take back everything I ever said about integrity of the game.
Just put Vlachos back on that beach, dammit!
But they won’t.
I made mine before the game even began and the pick, ladies and gentlemen is… Malcolm.
And here’s why.
So Malcolm is my official pick to win.
I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Mr. Freberg for the automatic jinx.
Sorry, you earned it buddy!
I think that’s about it.
What did you think about the first week ofSurvivor: Game Changers?
Whom are you loving and loathing so far?
Are you as bummed to see Tony go as I am?
