The dance competition you know and love is back, declares Our Lady of Making That Outfit Work.
And is that… could it be… the Hot Tamale Train pulling into the station?
What a long, strange, quiet trip its been without her sparkle.
Credit: Adam Rose/FOX
They couldve gotten matching hats.
Enter singer/actress/dancer (?)
), but you know what?
After this premiere, Im fully on board.
Shes game for a laugh.
Her dress has shorts, I think?
Now that our team is set for season 14, lets review the format.
The next tier of dancers will have to fight for their tickets by learning some Mandy Moore choreo first.
We begin in Los Angeleeez (I love how Cat Deeley says Los Angeles!
His hair is big, and he loves being on TV.
Hes the Hawaiian Jean-Ralphio.
I demand this sitcom.
Mark gets a ticket on the Hot Tamale Train, nonstop to the Academy.
), but they know how to dance.
The part where Vasily doesnt trip on himself is impressive.
DONT GET MARRIED IF YOU CANT DO THIS.
I love this guy.
Hes good and fun to watch!
(I love you!
Youre so good and so much fun to watch!
Vanessa yells, making my job obsolete.)
As an aside, his outfit is working for him.
What Nigel calls a dancing sandwich, I call that clear suit Mads Mikkelsen wore to kill people onHannibal.
I spent this whole routine imagining Hannibal Lecter dancing like this.
It was good and fun to watch.
Anyway, Mary and Vanessa both say it was beautiful, and everyone leaves it at that.
Alexis gets a ticket to the Academy.
who describes his style as really eclectic, which is almost never a good thing on this show.
Couldnt we just watch a snippet of his dance with Vanessa in a montage?
Or was this all an excuse to show his interview with Cat?
(Oh, thats really deep.
Then he has the nerve to tell the camera that Vanessa wasnt, like, amazing or anything.
Go back to Tampa, Luke.
Darius Hickman, 18 (Greenacres, FL)THIS IS WHY WERE HERE.
His aunt passed away three years ago; his godmother who seems wonderful has been caring for him since.
He doesnt say how long hes been dancing.
I assume hes been at it since he was crafted out of clay, a la Wonder Woman.
The height on his leaps.
His extension coming out of his pirouettes.
When Darius is done, the judges stand wordlessly and wave tickets at him, then offer him hugs.
Hes going to the Academy, and Nigel swears hes never complaining again.
Anastasiia and Viktoriia, 20 (Rostov-on-Don, Russia)Ready to end this hour on TWIN HORROR?!
Their characters for this routine are PEOPLE IN TERROR and honestly, same.
I dont know what this was, but I know they were good at it.
Anastasiia and Viktoriia are not here to make us feel comfortable, and more power to them.
), and Mary dubs this the best modern dance audition Ive ever seen on this show.
At the risk of seeming uncultured, that feels excessive.
I kind of favor Vanessas initial reaction: Uhhhhh-hu-hu-hu-huh.
Anastasiia and Viktoriia are going to the Academy.
And on that nightmarish note, season 14 is up and running.
Welcome back, Mary.
Welcome back, Hot Tamale Train.
Welcome back, my tears.
Next week: more auditions in sunny Los Angeleeeeeez assuming Trump hasnt shut down the show by then.
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