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Excerpt fromThings Im Seeing Without Youby Peter Bognanni

10

Somehow, the horse funeral was a success.

The next day they thawed and embalmed him.

peter-bognanni-credit-junita-bognanni

Credit: Junita Bognanni

Then they groomed him and made him look a show horse.

Midafternoon, a jazz marching band walked a procession route lined with yellow and white carnations.

By the end of it all, Leroy had tears in his eyes.

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On the flight back, Dad seemed pleased.

No animals had blown up this time, and he had a big check in his pocket.

That was, hands down, the best funeral Ive done.

And youre a big part of it.

Youre welcome, I said softly.

And, for the moment, I couldnt think of anything terrible to add.

Its not like I felt like dancing or anything, but I was feeling slightly less awful.

The funeral planning had been a helpful distraction.

Also: Skip had given me his number before I left.

I couldnt help feeling a little guilty, though, for not turning him down flat.

Leroy was impressed I let you have a say in my business.

My dad was talking again.

He said his father never trusted him with the horses.

Not until he was almost thirty.

Can you believe that?

M-hmm, I said.

I opened my Facebook account and started to scroll through Jonahs pictures.

And the one where his arms are covered in scrabble tiles and hes caught mid-laugh on a dorm floor.

Leroy doesnt have any kids.

He doesnt know what hes going to do when he has to pass on his legacy.

I looked at the pictures people started posting after his death.

At first, it didnt register when I saw the message.

Hes worried when he dies, the horses will all go downhill.

But thats what he liked about your idea.

Maybe theyll be so strong they keep running.

Even when hes gone, theyll keep running.

Not too many people contacted me on Facebook anymore.

Tess, said my dad.

Did you hear me?

The sky outside the plane was cloudless now.

A blue so bright it hurt my eyes.

My dad was touching my shoulder, but I could barely feel it.

Tess, he said.

I looked at him and saw the concern on his face.

Hey, he said, where did you go?