[Update:Find Stefon’s very last clubsob!at the end of the post.]
His dad is David Bowie.
His brother is Ben Affleck (a.k.a.
Credit: NBC
“David”).
He lives in a trash can near the Radio Shack on 23rd St. and 7th Ave.
He’s in love with Seth Meyers.
(“based on the novelPushby Sapphire”).
But just like Booooooooof’s round-the-clock puke party, all good things must come to an end.
New York’s hottest club is:Crease
Description:Club promoter Tranny Oakley has gone all out.
Also, it’s owned by Robert Blake.
Don’t look for a bouncerthere isn’t one.
Instead, the door’s guarded by 10 jacked homeless guys in old-fashioned bathing suits.
It’s Black George Washington!
All that, and a party room filled with human bathmats.
At the door, just do theCosby face.
Look over thereis that Mick Jagger?No!
It’s a fat kid on a Slip ‘n Slide.
His knees look like biscuits, and he’s ready to party.
Furkels?Fat Urkels.
New York’s hottest club is:Ounce
Description:Located in the middle of the East River…
It finally answers the question, “Do I have to?”
This place haseverything:Schitzos, kite enthusiastsand that’s not all!
Look who just came init’s Blingo!
Blingo?Black Ringo.
New York’s hottest club is:Booooooooof.
(With nine Os.)
New York’s hottest club is:Hooyagoosyoughoooou!
Description:Built on a dare by 90-year-old club promoter Fuji Houser MD…
This place haseverything:Stun guns, mole people, freezing cold air.
Jupids?Jewish Cupids.
They just want you to meet someone nice and settle down.
Bonus:If you come this Sunday, you’ll meet 2-year-old Ultimate Fighter Drooly-Lips Jackson.
He’s got fists like little empanadas, and he’s my best friend.
This place haseverything:Sand worms, geishas, rock-eaters, a seven level course in adult education.
And if you want to relax, you could kick back in your very own subway sleeping bag.
This place haseverything:Stickballs, pickpockets, Cookie Crisp.
This place haseverything:Brooms, scrunchies, screwheads, a shaved lion that looks like Mario Batali.
New York’s hottest club is:Heeyyyyy!
Bonus:All the proceeds go to flaccid outreach group Doctors Without Boners.
New York’s hottest club is:Thank You!
Look closelythe answer may surprise you.
New York’s hottest club is:[looks around, furrows brow]Kevin?
This place haseverything:Soda, purple stuff, Sunny D, a VIP room for football jellyfish.
This place haseverything:Freckles, potato people, a room full of Heprechauns.
Heprechaun?Leprechauns with Hep C.
Bonus:Hit the dance floor with a group of Hoombas!
Hoombas?Human Roombas.
This place haseverything:Zip drives, gozers, Ke$ha.
Guess who may drop by!
Is it Ryan Seacrest?Noit’s a drowned albino who looks like Axl Rose.
Extra bonus:A VIP section filled with Furtlenecks.
And they have a pack of roaming draggers.
Roaming draggers?It’s that thing of when an old dog has short legs but a long penis.
Wario Batali?He’s just like his brother, except he doesn’t wear Crocs.
And if there’s a lighting storm, he’ll tie a key to the end of it.
No, honey, not his kite.
This place haseverything:Raffis, yeti-cabspedicabs driven by yetisslowpokes, a woman with nowhere to turn.
Just for the 4th of July, they’ve got a special display of Jewish fireworks.
Jewish fireworks?The ones that go peewwww-ehhhhhh.
New York’s hottest club is:[in a deep voice]Jelly Bones!
As you walk in, you’ll be handed a glass of champagneor is it piss?
This place haseverything:Slurpies, mushmouths, litterbugs.
Bonus:Don’t worry about security, because it’s guarded by an army of hobo-cops.
Hobo-cops?Homeless Robocops.
wearing a two-man horse costume.
Spoiler alert: They’re both in the back.
Special guest:Have you heard of Blacula, the Black Dracula?
Well, they have a Jewish Dracula.
What’s his name?Sidney Applebaum.
Bonus:For a healthy snack, hit the bar and have some Fraisinsraisins that look like Frasier!
Or try your luck with the Human Pinata.
New York’s hottest club is:[in a British accent]Maaaaary!
Yeahhhhhhh, right!"
What does that sound like?
This place haseverything:Chutes, ladders, the outdoor concert from a Zoloft commercial.
And finally, New York’s hottest club is:[in an Al Pacino voice]PANTS!
And this weekend, I’ll be having my college reunion there.
Where did Stefon go to college?UTI.
I even made the Dean’s ListDean Cain’s list of homeboys not to mess with.
Bonus:The bouncer is a king-sized lesbian who looks like Phil Jackson.
And the password is “SCOTTY.”
