Archie tries his hand at wrestling as the town gets ready for Pickens Day
Riverdale is a strange place.
And Im not even talking about the long-lost brothers or the serial killers or the super,superhot dads.
After all, the title of this episode is The Wrestler, and thats all about Hiram and Archie.
Credit: Dean Buscher/The CW
For everyone else, Pickens Day is pretty much just a celebration of the place they call call home.
At least until Jughead gets ahold of it.
For an oral history report, Jughead interviews Tonis grandfather, one of the founding members of the Serpents.
And he shocks Jug with the news that a historical figure isnt as great as everyone originally thought!
Can you imagine?!
Apparently, the land that Riverdale now calls home used to belong to a tribe.
Of course, Jughead isnt just going to listen to this and do nothing.
Yes, its bad, but Im not going to lie: Decapitating a statue with such clean lines?
On the smaller scale of happenings this week, Chic learns what a truly terrible person Hal Cooper is.
Meanwhile, Betty does everything she can to get to know her brother.
Because thats totally the same thing…
Ultimately, its Kevin who has the real details on Chic when he remembers him from a webcam site.
She was hoping hed have a dark side too and that they could make sense of things together.
Talk about sibling bonding!
She suggests that Archie ditch basketball in favor of Hirams favorite sport, wrestling.
Archie sucks at wrestling.
But its okay, because Veronica has a backup plan.
Archie can sing with her at Pickens Day.
Hiram would love that!
Spoiler: Shes wrong.
He tells him theres no shame in accepting defeat, but its Veronica who makes things extremely uncomfortable.
She tells her father that Archie is actually a very talented musician who is incredibly sexy when he sings.
WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR FATHER?!
He tells Hiram hell see him at tryouts tomorrow.
And not only does Archie see Hiram at tryouts, but he wrestles him.
Otherwise, why such an intense rivalry??
Later, Archie storms into Hirams apartment and asks him, Why dont you like me?
The answer is somewhat obvious: Archie isnt good enough for Hirams daughter.
He doesnt want her worrying about them.
So, he will tell her about this morning, which will make her happy.
And from then on, he will tolerate Archie until this phase is over.
Because boyfriends come and go but fathers are forever.
Again, its a little sexual.
Again, ONE OF THESE MEN IS NOT A MAN.
So get ready for more wrestling, guys!
Overall, I enjoy the Hiram-Archie stuff.
Yes, its heinous, but thats Riverdale.
Also, Hal sucks.
And there was a lot of Hal sucking in this episode.
