Women like these make theReal Housewivesfranchise tick.
Do you rememberRHONYs Alex McCord?
How aboutRHOCs Lynne Curtin?
Credit: Bravo
No you do not.
Do you know why?
Because they were boring and normal.
(Normal, I mean.
Normal by reality TV standards is what Im saying.)
You know whos not boring?
Women who changed their name and worked as a stripper and had like 19 fiances (Staub again).
These are women who genuinely scare me and boy are they fun to watch.
Certainly more fun than watchingRHOBHs Joyce Giraud.
(I didnt think so.)
Siggy isdestroyedbecause Melissa and Teresa had a food fight with the cake Siggy had made specially for Melissas birthday.
Siggy deals with her feelings by calling her husband and repeatedly folding and refolding a black-mesh bathing suit.
Melissa deals with her feelings by calling her husband and labeling Siggy a fancypants.
But for real, Siggy does seem pretty emotional these days.
I wonder if something else is going on.
Did I mention that the gals are on the way to do yoga on the beach?
You know what, it can be both.
I think the emotions the women show on the beach are real its just…the teensiest bit icky.
Its funny to think of boys being girls!
(I could have skipped this part but felt it important to point out.
I like Joe, but this Neanderthal stuff is not cool.
Youre better than that, Joe Gorga.
Cut it out.)
In Boca, the tension is thick.
Siggy and Dolores are one side, everyone else on the other.
Shouldnt Siggy cut Teresa just the slightest bit of slack right now?
Throwing a cake at her sister-in-law made her feel good.
Can you not just let her have this?
Allow us to move on from Cakegate and get into some Staub-level drama already!
And old friends do not exclude each other from beachside memorials.
Second side note: One does not bring Danielle Staub back from the reality dead to make dick jokes.
the worst thing thats happened in 2017.
Lori says, Gorgeous, as if she can see it, though she cannot.
Siggy continues, Teresa picks up the cake and throws it across the floor.
Lori gasps, horrified horrified!
before Siggy even gets to the word throws.
So Lori is either psychic (Real Psychics of Boca!)
or has already heard this story and is a terrible actor (Real Terrible Actors of Boca!
), but either way, get this woman her own show.
(Oh honey, no.)
Turns out dinner is not at a restaurant but at Siggys home, and everything starts out pleasant enough.
Theres Im so fed up Im tearing my hair out, but in a fun way Siggy.
Theres hands-on-hips Power Siggy.
Theres Hey, Ive got a fedora and a guitar for some reason!
All the Siggies are here.
raisins served by someone who is credited as SexZ Chef.
(Thats pronounced Sexy, in case that wasnt clear.)
The crab cakes were salty!
Teresa callously lobs at Siggy before bouncing (poor sexE chef) and thats a wrap on dinner.
Thats when things will really get good.
Until then, let them throw cake.
