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How do you get over one of the lowest points in your life?
How do you let go of your past so you could move on to your future?
Credit: Courtesy Lianne Oelke
Nice Try, Jane Sinnerhits bookstores Jan. 9, 2018.Preorder it here.
Id like to think they got more out of it than I did.
Couldnt have been too hard.
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Any system that requires the patients family to pay someone else to care about her is fundamentally flawed.
Bonnie just texted me.
I told her its too dangerous.
I have been known to blind others with my relentlessly sunny disposition.
Its also nice to write in here.
I havent written in this journal for months.
But I needed a break from myself.
Understandably, I think.
SunMar6Ditching school five months before grad isnt all its cracked up to be.
Its too late to catch up now.
I dropped the ship, that ball has sailed, Jane Sinner has left the building.
The parents certainly didnt see this coming.
Theyre still scrambling to find the window God must have opened, since he closed this particular door.
Im old enough to close doors on my own, thank you very much.
But the parents dont want to hear that.
Not I cant, I have to catch up on a variety of reality television shows.
Apparently, Bonnies fashion choices are rubbing off on Carol.
They both decided to wear skinny jeans and fluorescent baggy sweaters to church, which annoyed the parents.
Carol kept getting her sleeve caught in her lasagna while we ate.
DADI wish you would have come with us this morning, Jane.
MOMYou used to love going to church.
I take comfort in knowing people can change.
DADYou know, the best way to move on is to get back in the swing of things.
Theres nothing wrong with taking some more classes.
You could use more structure in your life.
Its like he didnt even notice that I had divided my salad into a rainbow of vegetables.
JSYoure meowing up the wrong tree.
)Barking, Jane.
Its barking up the wrong tree.
BONNIECats chase small animals up trees too, you know.
You dont want to end up like your Aunt Gina, Jane.
Cant we all just get along for one meal?
Bonnie, how have you been lately?
Is school going well for you?
I guess thats why they invited her over.
BONNIEYeah, school is going okay, I guess.
We all miss Jane.
CAROLJanies gonna go to community college instead.
Thats what the guidance counselor thinks she should do, anyway.
She didnt mention that to me.
JSThats because Im not going.
CAROL[rolling her eyes]Well, you cant just not go back to school!
JSThanks, Obvious McObviouspants.
you’re free to at least go to the information session tomorrow.
Itll be good for you to explore your options.
Id tell the parents that, but they get frustrated when I use idioms incorrectly.
MonMar7
Carol told me I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
I told her to bite me.
CAROLNo one says that anymore, Janie!
And stop tagging embarrassing pics of me on Facebook.
Mom always has to comment on each one.
Shes on a roll this morning.
JSI can do what I want.
Id like to say Im going to the info meeting because I care about my parents happiness.
Just restlessness and understimulation and this constant hum in my body from energy wasted on Netflix.
I need to run a marathon or something.
I hate living in limbo.
From a distance, Elbow River Community College looked half-decent.
Up close, it was just a fresh paint job and decorative glass designed to look like windows.
I distrusted it already.
It was bigger than I imagined.
Not that my imagination has been getting a chance to shine lately.
This bathroom looked like it was recently renovated as cheaply as possible.
Small, but cleanish.
No get out while you might!
Or jake s. is full of chlamydia n lies!
scrawled on the stalls.
A middle-aged man leaned awkwardly on the teachers desk.
His ass barely grazed the wooden surface, the same way cautious girls hover over public toilets.
Maybe it was the stiffness of his pressed slacks that wouldnt allow his legs to bend.
He was the kind of tall that constantly invites strangers to comment on how tall he is.
TALL GUYThe weather is fine up here, thank you.
JSI wasnt going to say anything.
Hes also the kind of guy that makes me cringe every time he says something remotely modern.
Thanks for the reminder, though.
TALL GUYyou can call me Mr. Dubs.
Thats short for Mr. W, which is short for Mr. Wickershnitzel.
Thats probably for sure not his real name, but he didnt expect me to remember it anyway.
JSNice to meet you.
MR. DUBSLikewise, Ms. …
JSSinner.
Anyone who addresses me as Ms. or Miss is automatically someone I would rather not talk to.
I resisted the urge to check my phone to see if the hour was up yet.
Mr. Dubs explained that hes the Youth Re-engagement Program Admissions Coordinator and High School Integration Adviser.
Or something to that effect.
The students broke into a scattered applause.
The girl in front of me passed the paper back.
Under the Elbow River logo the hashtags #COMMUNITY #SUSTAINABILITY and #FREEDOM were printed.
I couldnt wait to make fun of this place to Bonnie.
He also reviewed the logistics of completing a certain number of high school credits over the spring term.
But if I attend community college, Ill want to get out as quickly as possible.
I didnt fill it out.
Even students like me.
I was half-afraid Mr. Dubs would pull me aside to discuss my history.
But I cant be the only one with a history here.
The other prospective students seem normal enough, but theyre all here for a reason, too.
The required aptitude test came last.
Maybe Id discover a hidden talent for Sustainable Basket Weaving or Intergenerational Social Media Communications.
A girl can dream.
It took Mr. Dubs more than twenty minutes to troubleshoot the Wi-Fi so we could do the test online.
I browsed the bulletin board outside the classroom while we waited.
Three flyers for Recreational Ceramics.
Four for a car share with a picture of a man holding a cat under each arm.
One handwritten Post-it note saying smile, ur beautiful!
I cant stand that sort of senseless optimism.
And one flyer for Optimism Club.
I might have trouble fitting in here.
My name is Alexander Park and Im a film student.
The house is located near the campus and has separate bedrooms.
Rent is only $200 a month (utilities and internet included).
Meet some new people, do some crazy things, win yourself a car!
For details and to fill out an tool, go tohttp://www.houseoforangeshow.com.
Students must be over 18 and enrolled in full-time studies for both the Spring and Summer terms.
Maybe Bonnie and I can fitHouse of Orangein withAmericas Next Top ModelandThe Bachelorettethis spring.
I stuffed the flyer into my bra because these jeggings dont have pockets.
The ladies also made room for theTracys in Trouble!pamphlet.
Maybe community college could teach me something after all.
I have to play my cards right, or it wont work.
MOMHowd it go, then?
She is really quite terrible at pretending to be casual about things she cares about.
DADWell, dont a-worry, were making a-curry!
JSCurry is not Italian, Dad.
DADYou think youre so smart, dont you?
I opened a cupboard and grabbed some clean plates for the table.
Do you think its… a possibility?
DADYou know, Jane, when God closes a door, he
JSHe opens a window, I know.
DADNo need for that tone, Jane.
JSI just dont know if it will work.
MOMIf you decide that education is no longer a priority for you, we could discuss other options.
Like pitching in more around the house.
I set down four shiny glasses next to four shiny plates.
But only if I move out.
Mom set her spoon on the counter with a sharp click.
MOMYou could go back to James Fowler in the fall.
JSBut all my friends will have graduated already.
MOMYou can always make new friends!
you might be such a nice girl when you make the effort, Jane.
This is why I cant talk to the parents.
Niceness is not a valid currency in high school.
JSIts not that easy, Mom.
Im not going back there.
All I want is to put some distance between myself and that story.
Between myself and anyone who thinks of me that way.
MOMI suppose you could study online.
And never have a reason to leave this house?
Ive wasted far too much time here lately.
JSI dont think so.
MOMWere just concerned for you, is all.
It might be too much for you right now, what with
JSI know.
And I appreciate your concern.
But I really need some space… to focus on my studies.
Its not easy being diplomatic.
I wonder if they know theyve slowly merged into the same person in two different bodies.
I cant believe I said this, but
JSIll go back to youth group.
That would be so good for you right now.
Good friends, Christian support
JSOnly if I move out.
DADWell, thats something to consider, isnt it?
Why dont we sleep on it?
Obviously Im not going to tell them aboutHouse of Orangejust yet.
One step at a time.
no
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL DIETARY RESTRICTIONS?
not really
PART B: PERSONAL RESPONSES
ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP?
god no
WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
draw, eat, watch substandard television programming
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH?
brevity
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
no
WHAT (OR WHOM) DO YOU VALUE MOST IN YOUR LIFE?
poor grammar, penciled-in eyebrows, most displays of emotion, ballpoint pens
FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Americas Next Top Model
FAVORITE BOOK?
the internet
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON POLITICS?
Im happily apathetic
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON RELIGION?
My thoughts are too profound and complex to be adequately dealt with here
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
pain, middle age, the bottom of the ocean
WHAT GOALS DO YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF?
yes
ARE YOU A COMPETITIVE PERSON?
yes
HOW DO YOU PLAN TO COPE WITH THE STRESS OF SCHOOL AS WELL AS A REALITY SHOW?
I plan to not get stressed in the first place
WHAT MAKES YOU A GOOD CANDIDATE FORHOUSE OF ORANGE?
I dont know
WHY DO YOU WANT TO PARTICIPATE INHOUSE OF ORANGE?
to win the car, obviously
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF?
@
Technically Im not eighteen yet, but almost eighteen should be close enough.
Ill do that program or whatever that allows me to take college courses too.
Move over, Bachelorette.
I filled out and submitted all three sections of the Elbow River program.
All the titles and headers are typed in what looks suspiciously like the Twitter font.
Is this really the sort of establishment I want to entrust with my future?
Well, what else are you going to do with yourself, Jane?
For starters, I can revise my history.
Thats what Im doing here, isnt it?
Rewriting my story so it no longer revolves around the Event.
So it no longer stars some washed-up nihilist too uncomfortable in her own skin to do anything worthwhile.
People already talk about me behind my back.
Maybe its time I give them something new to talk about.
WedMar9
The parents made another attempt to persuade me to live at home.
It was just a formality, really.
They know as well as I do what happens when I make up my mind.
Why would you ever move out when you could have free room and board plus family support right here?
You shouldnt be alone.
Pros and Cons of moving out:
PROSCONS
freedom macaroni and unreal cheese
The decision basically made itself.
I guess they do have a point about money, though.
ThuMar10
I met Alexander Park today and saw the house.
He emailed me back thirty-two minutes after I sent him the tool, asking for an interview.
This means that either I am incredibly awesome or Alexander Park is desperate for people.
I dont know how old Alexander Park is, but he has more than one GoPro.
Alexander Park introduced me to each one, but I dont remember all the names.
I took a tour of the house, and its not too bad.
The house is a ten-minute bus ride from the school, and its located in a reassuringly mediocre neighborhood.
APs parents own the place and usually rent it out to students.
Not exactly conducive to privacy, but privacys not the point.
Also, orange shag carpet.
They said enough to convince me its legit.
At least, as legit as a group of film students can make it.
ALEXANDER PARKSo, do you have any other questions?
JSWell, where exactly are you going with this?
APWhat do you mean?
JSYou said the show would air on YouTube.
APRight, episodes every two weeks.
JS(Thats lazy marketing.
)Dont you have a target audience, like other college students?
JSSo how can you afford to give away your car?
APIll just get another one.
JS[thinking]I see.
APSo what do you think?
Movies, hockey tickets, books.
Things students normally cant afford.
JS…
APPizza, home-cooked meals…
JSOKAY.
Ill do that later.
I told them Ill be living with girls, which is true enough.
FriMar11
I got a call from Mr. Dubs today.
MR. DUBSGood morning, Ms. Sinner.
This is Mr. Dubs from Elbow River calling.
Well, I have some great news.
Your system has been approved!
MR. DUBSIll be your adviser.
Ive sent you a friend request on Facebookfeel free to message me anytime, you know?
Hey, Ive got to go
MR. DUBSYou know, were really happy to have you as a student.
We think you have great potential.
Elbow River is such a cool place to really grow as a community-oriented individual, you know?
We just reinvented our mascot to better reflect our evolution as a community.
MR. DUBSWhat are you making for lunch, Ms. Sinner?
Well, youre officially a Greaser now!
MR. DUBSAn Elbow Greaser!
JSMy donuts
MR. DUBSWere going to have a great year, Ms. Sinner.
JSTheyre… burning
MR. DUBSOh, and Ms. Sinner?
MR. DUBSLike us on Facebook and youll get ten percent off your online textbooks!
