Can the 43-year-old musician hit all the right notes in his answers to a few Stupid Questions?
Do not underestimate the Blunt force of this man.
Thats generally how I entertain myself.
Gisela Schober/Getty Images
you could pick out some of that in the lyrics of the new songs.
What were you thinking about?I was extremely concerned about how painful it would be on my balls.
As you’re able to tell how high-pitched my voice is as a result, it really hurt.
Gisela Schober/Getty Images
Was there perhaps a childrens multivitamin version of the song called Youre Chewable?Is that a thing?
I must speak to my manager.
That would be amazing if I could.
I would definitely do that.
Im the first one to say that I sold out years ago.
So I think that maybe we missed the point.
So when I would say, My life is brilliant, he would go, Oh, yeah.
okay, cool, whatever.
And Id go, repeat it, My life is brilliant, and hed go, You said that.
And hed just cut in through the song and it was the most amazing parody.
Its very stalker-y.People play it at their weddings, but I think thats fed up.
And I think those people are weird.
Youve sold 20 million albums.
Actually, most of them were just bought by my mother.
What would be the best tweet to get from him?
Would it make your day if he called you FAKE MUSIC!
?So many people have said that before, Im not sure that would be entirely original.
Whats the meanest review you ever received?
Ed Sheeran, whom youre about to tour with, co-wrote two songs onThe Afterlove.
And I can prove its not true.
Firstly, Princess Beatrice is fifth in line for the throne.
They know exactly how to handle a sword.
Its basically their only job.
So for him to accuse her of misjudging that is desperation.
Can you think of a cooler/dumber rock-star demise than death by mock-knighting?Yes, I can.
Death by lighting your own farts.
[considers several options, then] Slash Me ToKnight.
I thinkhe used him in a video once.
They do look different.
Ed has a different sized head, with more brains.
I would describe him as a 90-percentile head, whereas Rupert I would say is probably a 40-percentile head.
Its because I wanted her just simply to give me something more interesting.
There was another part of her body that I was hoping she was going to put on my hand.
Which I dont believe you will find anyone else has ever done.
I should make it sound more spontaneous.
You were posted to the Household Cavalry Regiment in London and even guarded the Queen.
What was the coolest thing you ever stole from Buckingham Palace?
Im sure the statute of limitations has passed.They do complain about that, genuinely.
They say that every time anyones there for tea that all their silver teaspoons get nicked.
My job was to keep them there… Ooh!
I have got a uniform I was supposed to give back.
It looks like a Jimi Hendrix outfit.
It costs tens of thousands of dollars.
But I do really only wear that in my bedroom.
I try not to tell them too much about it.
A lot of stories out theresay that youve won the Internetwith your Twitter comebacks.
And various awards from small island nations that are of insignificance to the United States.
In 1999, we were headed toward global crisis duringa NATO/Russian standoff in Kosovo.
You were there, serving in the British army under NATO.
Im this kind of Blunt weapon that youve got to use.
