Your new Netflix obsession is on line 2
Meet the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
Strap on your legwarmers, stretch it out, and follow along as you watch.
After she finishes, she starts crying.
Credit: Erica Parise/Netflix
Youre reading the mans part, one of the producers shoots back.
Ruth then reads the womans part.
Its a secretary telling her male boss that someones on the phone.
Youre either the secretary or the topless beach babe take your pick.
Cut to Ruth doing a crossword puzzle on the toilet (relatable!
About an hour later, it happens.
Mallory is not pleased bathroom breaks are sacred, Ruth!
but shes actually kinda… helpful?
Again: Youre either the secretary or the topless beach babe.
What Im interested in are real parts, Ruth says defiantly.
Not secretaries telling powerful men their wives are on line 2.
Ruth is desperate, if you couldnt already tell from the bathroom stalking not quite porn-desperate, but desperate.
But, hey, she concludes with faux optimism.
Im gonna do porn!
So things are looking up!
Little does she know, things reallyarelooking up.
By the time Ruth gets home, she has a voicemail waiting for her from Mallory.
This is her chance!
Then she gets to the audition, held in an empty warehouse filled with a boxing ring.
She soon discovers shes trying out for GLOW or the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
Actually, none of the dozens of girls there seem to wrestle.
The problem is, Ruth cantjustbe enthusiastic.
Luckily, Debbie comes and rescues her and she has a spare key to Ruths apartment.
What a wonderful friendship, youre thinking.
This means that, yes, Ruth is sleeping with her best friends husband.
Anyway, back to the love triangle at hand:Yikes.
It doesnt take long for the truth to come out.
She forces an audition on Sam, whos fresh off snorting a line of coke.
She quotesCat on a Hot Tin Roof.
And then Debbie runs in, her baby in hand.
She knows, and shes ready to fight.
It sucks for Ruth, but Debbie also picked a very convenient time to confront her friend.
Everyone in the warehouse watches intently as Debbie yells at Ruth.
I wanna kick your ass, and then I never want to see you again!
They tussle, and then it cuts to a fantasy sequence of the two surrounded by a screaming crowd.
In this dream, Ruth defeats Debbie.
Of course she is!
Shes a Gorgeous Lady of Wrestling, after all!
In real life, thats not exactly true.
Debbie ends up pinning Ruth down, and one of Sams assistants calls it.
Welcome to GLOW, Ruth.
Best Quotes:
Resume gets a little thin after 1979.
SamMovies get a little white after 1979.
Cherry (Sydelle Noel)
They were small, but they were feral!
They were… not well cared for!
It was very scary!
Ruth unconvincingly expressing how terrifying the kids who robbed her were
Premenstrual syndrome!
Now she needs a nap!
Ruth perfecting her wrestling persona
Most 80s Moment:One word: aerobics.
Okay, maybe two: leotards.
Episode Grade:A-
Ariana Bacle(Click ahead for episode 2)
EPISODE 2: Slouch.
Ruth asks, hesitantly.
She shouldnt have asked.
Melrose is missing her shoes, so Ruth kindly offers some very uncool kicks from her waitressing days.
Whered you waitress, a nursing home in Poland?
Melrose quips before spotting the trendy, white Reebok high-tops on Ruths feet.
Rehearsal doesnt go much better for her.
Heres an even better party trick, Ruth: reading the room.
And thats the least of her offenses.
Theyre by the lockers; shes on the toilet, saying things like I hear nothing!
She hears everything, including Sam asking Cherry about her miscarriage two years ago.
Whatever; Cherrys not there.
Red liquid spews from Melroses nether regions… but its just ketchup.
You pissed off Cherry and were wildly insensitive in the process.
Ruth is totally there.
Shes mad; Ruth is mad; Sam is delighted.
This is what he wanted!
Two real-life friends-turned-enemies battling it out.
Cherry and Sam then have Melrose re-enact her miscarriage bit.
That person has to be a homewrecker, so Sam, of course, assigns Ruth that character.
F, am I having a miscarriage?
Cherry is sitting in the risers, throwing up in her mouth.
It got a little intense, she responds.
Baby, we need to redo the bathroom!
Keith reasons once Sam walks away.
Pretty new bathrooms are great and all, but how much emotional pain is a shiny toilet worth?
Cherrys not alone in her anger.
Debbie is officially joining the show to play the hero to Ruths villain.
Everyones gonna hate you!
Sam gleefully tells Ruth, who most definitely doesnotwant everyone to hate her.
Try not giving a f, he advises.
The devil gets all the best lines.
And that is a perfect segue into the best quotes section, dominated by who else but…
I havent talked to you since the whole… womb goof.
CherryI was trying to come up with a tactful euphemism.
Sam
Oh, I trust him.
Who doesnt trust a man with a mustache full of coke?
Melrose on Sam
Whats that?
DebbieIts a Pound Puppy for the little barnacle.
Debbie
She has nothing.
No man, no love, no friends.
Her hair is brown.
Here we meet Sebastian Howard (Chris Lowell), a.k.a.
Hes definitely cute and I guess a little charming, but mostly just because hes cute.
Sam interrupts this gigglefest to introduce 10 scripts hes printed out.
Sam is all about storytelling and character building, so today, theyre going to do some Acting.
Calling someone played by Alison Brie a vision of hideousness doesnt really work, but, okay.
(Bash agrees: Later, he says, Theres no world where people look at her and seehideousorevil.
Shes apple pie and ice cream.)
And by hors doeuvres, I mean a bowl of Lucky Charms.
Sliders are overrated, anyway.
The party is fine until it very much isnt.
Its all fun and games until Bash begins reducing everyone to stereotypes.
Hes doing this because he thinks wrestlers have to be simplistic stereotypes to be successful.
SamThe last time I went to a party with Debbie, I got drunk and slept with her husband.
Ruth
Wrestling is not about backstory!
Its about jot down.
And your punch in is… BashIntelligent and whimsical?
They think its genius.
For example, they institute a curfew and a no-drug policy.
But things are actually, surprisingly, going okay at first.
Stop looking at me!
she cries in the dark motel room.
Later, Ruth pitches some new persona ideas to Sam.
Not exactly the same, but close enough.
He doesnt buy it.
Forget body slams; this is the toughest move there is.
Back inside, Tamee is talking to Sam about how her character is offensive.
Thats the genius of it!
Its commentary on an existing stereotype.
Sam thinks its pushing the envelope; she thinks its hurtful.
It soon becomes clear itsa video dating profile.
And a great figure.
Who doesnt tear me apart like a banshee every time I make a mistake.
Hes lonely and vulnerable here, and the wrestlers love it.
Its not a costume.
Sheila
Do you trust him?
Or is he just another white, racist director?
Tamee on SamHes more sexist than racist.
Keith
So, you know, choose me.
Im lonely, and my cock works great.
And so, Debbie spends this episode attempting to take off her cool cap and align her priorities.
She arranges a part-time babysitting deal with her mother (Its Chessy fromThe Parent Trap!
Carmen is quick to deduce the core problem that Debbie hasnt even been to a real wrestling match before.
His rival, Mr.
This whole thing is a soap opera!
Debbie also sleeps with Steel Horse, which is not quite a coincidence but certainly a conquest.
As she informs Sam in the final moment of the episode, she just needs a villain.
Also, Sam and Rhonda are banging apparently.
Porn you could watch with your kids.Finally.
His slow motion walk to Tears for Fears.
His Billy Idol-lite aesthetic.
Clipped lines like Hey.
You got black olives this time.
And Justines Velcro wallet!
You are a bright shining star, Sam tries to sweet-talk to Debbie.
She is a dirty, nasty, stepped-in-dog-s-heel.
(Congrats, babe.)
Theyre angry, theyre exciting, and theyre working it together until, look, its working.
Its a breach of artistry and everything Justine admires about Sam including the integrity of GLOW.
Then he hit on me at an airport bar.
And then, well…
I was really great in that production.
I just used my pain to emote.
So, lets just say the best 80s moment was Alison Brie belting badYentland call it a day.
And a camera, too, since Sams was stolen.
Justine gets an idea.
(Presumably, no other matches have factored in the most fundamentally exciting part of wrestling.)
Cue a training montage!
The jingle is fine enough, but Sam is more surprised that Rhonda used his camcorder to film it.
The match rolls around, and its as listless and bland as the gym itself.
The next match, between Beirut and Fortune Cookie, goes without much hurrah, too.
And suddenly, her husband Mark arrives.
Debbie could be reminded of her hatred of Ruth and do the jump, thereby injuring Ruth.
He rips them up because, after all, he didntactuallymean to give them to her.
(See: the line where he claimed Debbie was sleeping with Burt Reynolds.)
And if that sounds like something a therapist would say, thats because it is.
Marks been going to therapy and hopes Debbie will join him.
While Debbie contemplates reconciliation, Sam thinks its time to break up with Rhonda as hes losing his authority.
(Patriarchy its whats for dinner!)
Back at the hotel, the women are decorating Sheila and Ruths room to celebrate She-Wolfs birthday.
And forget peeing on a stick.
After what seems like hours, the results are clear: Ruth is indeed pregnant.
And now she must put on a happy face and go roller skating for Sheilas birthday.
I dont trust shoes that move, mopes Sheila.
(Thats how old she is in wolf years, which are different than dog years, apparently.)
Best Quote:You guys!
Were on the same cycle.
Were finally a team.
Shes not amused and returns her attention to the Just Say No!
fundraiser shes throwing which Bash is required to attend.
Debbie confides that wrestling has empowered her.
Its like Im back in my body, and it doesnt belong to Randy or Mark, she says.
I feel like a goddamn superhero.
(Oh, Betty Gilpin, you slay me.)
Ruth uses her moment as a confessional, admitting her misdeeds with Mark.
The womens stories strike a chord, and several deep pockets cut checks.
But Birdie is having none of it.
And just like that, were back in the ring!
You were expecting, what?
Sean Penn?No, just someone less like a giant Cabbage Patch Kid.
Sam telling Ruth his first impressions of Mark
Hes not poor, hes broke.
But it looks like theyll be at least two bodies short.
But, hey, at least they got their pink ropes.
(Thank god he had the presence of mind to pack a tux for a wrestling match!)
Yet, she refuses to go with him to the taping.
Back at the Hayworth, its showtime.
First up: Britannica vs. Beirut.
Everyone really hated me, Arthie laments to Rhonda backstage.
Yeah, but thats a good thing though, right?
Next up: Vicky Viking vs. Cherry lets slip to her referee husband that she got the part she auditioned for in the cop show.
Theyre going to celebrate tonight.
When he calls her a quitter, shes not shy about throwing that accusation right back in his face.
And now its on to the fourth match: Welfare Queen vs. Machu Picchu.
She takes on Welfare Queen and wins.
And here, right as Justine shows up, we learn Ruths contingency plan.
She as Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie will tag team The Beatdown Biddies.
(So red versus…silver?)
But as Russia and China are crowned the nights victors, we witness a double cross!
Zoya puts Fortune Cookie in a headlock!
In the words of announcer Bash: Russias not sharing that crown with anyone.
Zoya heckles the audience: Russia is supreme world leader!
No one can defeat Zoya!
Everyone here is too much sissy!
And shes conveniently worn her leotard under her khaki dress.
Im ready to kick your Soviet ass all the way back to Siberia!
Cue the Pat Benatar-soundtracked montage.
And its a thing of beauty.
The two women seamlessly execute the moves theyve been practicing for weeks.
But with a heightened kicker Liberty Belle performs her signature move from the top rope!
And shes the winner!
Fuming, she and Ruth confront a smirking Sam in the audience.
Its all about trying to win the crown back from Welfare Queen?
Yeah, the moneys in the chase, Sam replies.
No, says Debbie.
Best Quote:Im sorry I tried to f you.
If youd told me you were my daughter, I never would have tried to do that.
Sam to Justine
Most 80s Moment:Ruths fanny pack
Amy Wilkinson
