Consider it EWs small council, made of two people far too obsessed with everythingThrones.
This weeks burning question:Who will die beyond the Wall?
SHIRLEY:Lets play a game, Darren.
Credit: HBO
Jon has enough plot armor on him to keep him in play, but everyone else is vulnerable.
So in other words, Im very,veryworried for Jorah.
But maybe Im getting ahead of myself.
HBO
Its a fun team, for sure, but why are they doing this without any strategy?
Why do they think thisll work at all with Cersei?
Darren, who would you bet on dying this Sunday?
HBO
This isnt a very fun game, is it?
DARREN:Disagree, this is a VERY fun game!
Find six vaguely beloved warrior-characters who arent from any of the major families and are still alive!
Whats Jorah up to?
Great, send him along!
Hey, is Gendry still alive?
Does he has a groovy bespoke weapon?
Youre on the team, and youre on the team, and youre on the team!
Were deep down the rabbit hole of main-character-meetup wish fulfillment here.
And like you, I dont really buy the goal of this particular Fetch Quest.
Can a wight survive a long trip South, so far from the source of their undeadliness?
Would Cerseis social consciousness really expand if she saw a walking corpse?
Why did you think aballoonwould stop him?Shut up, thats why!
And playing the who dies game is more than just a simple exeunt lotto.
So, of course, Jons not dying, because that happened already.
But Im anticipating madness, and maybe yearning for surprise.
So I think that besides Jon,everybodydies up North.
A murderous wight…andThoros of Myr.
Score one for the topknot!
(And of course, the most horrifying part about watching Jons crew perish?
The final shot, when the risen Fatal Five march South with the other deadites.)
Am I crazy for thinking things go all ending-of-DirtyDozen,Shirley?
Is it equally emotional for Arya to slay a poignantly undead Hound?
And, on that note:What the hell is Arya doing?
Her whole Cut off the heads of the Lords of the Eyrie!
idea is the weirdest suggestion since Lets show Cersei our cool new pet corpse!
SHIRLEY:Oh no, Darren, you brought up my biggest fear in all this.
SORRY FOR THE SPOILERS!
What Im saying is youre not crazy, but also how dare you.
Having Arya slay an undead Hound wouldnotbe equally emotional (right?
), having Brienne permanently murder Tormund wouldnotbe cool (or maybe it would?
), and having Daenerys burn down zombie Jorah wouldsonotbe awesome!
(Would it?)
I refuse to go down this line of thinking any further!
Lets talk about ice dragons instead.
Just kidding, lets talk Arya!
For that matter, what is happening with the Stark sisters?
Did she think she would impress her traumatized sister by bringing up even more violence?
What the hell ishedoing?
DARREN:I think the Arya-Sansa stuff suffers the most from this seasons acceleration.
Sure, its fun to see characters Fast Travel across Westeros from one plot point to the next.
Also, didnt Arya used to hate Sansa because she was so vain and boringly royal?
Shouldnt shelikehow her elder sister has become such an empowered, authoritative person?
I will say, though, that we may want to hold off on final judgment on this subplot.
The discovery of Sansas Ned-betraying message could lead to a showdown,orArya could be reverse-double-playing Littlefinger.
What a weird season at Winterfell!
So many great characters, and everyones just grimacing over courtyards and looming around corridors.
(Bye-bye, Randall!)
But his arc right now feels deflating and tragic.
He spent his whole life seeking to get out of the shadow of his cruel, famous family.
But about his sister!
Cersei knows that Tyrion is strolling around Kings Landing and she lets him stroll out?
And shes pregnant?Andshes cleverly willing to at least pretend to negotiate an armistice?
(And if all else fails, shes still got Oceanmaster Euron on backburner.)
Do you think well ever meet Jaimes fourth kid?
Or is that as likely as Sam paying attention to Gillys ramblings about Prince Rah-grrrs secret wedding?
SHIRLEY:All right, Ill cut Tyrion some slack.
We went from Dany giving Jon the cold shoulder to Dany gazing fondly at him as he leaves.
We went from a faithless Hound to a Houndsoeager to head beyond the Wall he cuts Beric off mid-speech.
Look, I know Im starting to sound like a broken record.
Which brings me back to your question about Cersei.
Should we doubt her?
Is she lying to Jaime so hell stay by her side?
Would a pregnancy encourage him to continue fighting a losing battle?
Theres no ulterior motive here.
Buuuuuut with all that said, no, I dont think well ever meet that fourth kid.
We havent discussed or translated the prophecy about the Prince/ss That Was Promised in sooooo looooong.
(My new moneys on Robin Arryn: When youre King, every door is a Moon Door!)
I am intrigued, though, by the suggestion that everyones favorite bastard could be a trueborn Targaryen.
This seasons been high on epic showdowns and low on careful politicking evidence of the Third-And-Final-Act paradigm.
On the other hand, whodoescare?
Danys interactions with Jon this season have trended too quickly towards mutual understanding.
And were encouraged to read good things into their dynamic.
Weve seen them both suffer, and theres the natural inclination to see pretty people be pretty together.
But todays allies are tomorrows enemies.
Jon wished Dany good fortune in the wars to come, plural.
He might regret that if her war is against him.
Game of Thronesairs Sundays at 9 p.m.
