None of these guys know how to throw a party.
My biggest problem withFire Islandis that Patrick is anInternational Malecatalog brought to life.
Its not that I hate Patrick.
Its actually quite the opposite.
Just look at his fight with Cheyenne.
I dont agree with Patrick taking swipes at Cheyenne in someone elses kitchen about him being dumb.
Seriously, thats not too much to ask?
Maybe the worst thing aboutFire Islandisnt that it tries to make me like Patrick.
Take, for instance, when Justin offers to bring everyones bags back to the house.
What you dont know is that their house is approximately a 38-second walk from the ferry.
Its not like hes trudging through hill and dale to get there.
The schedule on Fire Island is rigid.
It just is not going to happen.
Around 2 p.m., they either go to the beach or hang out by their pool.
Around 4 p.m., everyone goes to house parties.
After the party, everyone heads to tea.
This is not the tea of no tea, no shade, where tea means gossip.
On Friday, when the cast got off the ferry, they went to low tea.
There are essentially three different teas, and theyre in three different spaces all surrounding the ferry dock.
And then there is the tea formerly known as Lina tea.
Lina was the longtime DJ at a very popular tea until she left the island two summers ago.
Now the music sucks and no one knows what to call it, but everyone still shows up.
The crowd moves very precisely from one tea to the next, but theyre all essentially the same.
(And by all the same stuff I mean vodka sodas.)
This is a long explanation to justify why no one is at their stupid party.
Everyone is still at tea, and then theyre at dinner.
Patrick has been out there all summer; shouldnt he know better by now?
The other bad move they make at the party is letting in someone with a backpack.
If you ever go to Fire Island, do not wear a backpack.
Brandon lets someone with a backpack into the party and later offers him a beer.
The day tripper answers, If I have another beer, Ill miss my Cinderella moment.
He means the last ferry.
He wants to end things with Jallen but instead tells him he wants to see how things develop organically.
That is not ending it; that is encouraging it.
Brandon says that he was drunk and couldnt find the words, but thats no excuse.
And Jallen is the worst kind of guy to screw over.
Not only is he friends with Brandons housemate, but he works on the island.
Without a vodka soda, all of these people will dry up and die.
