I regret to inform you that our nations capital has been infiltrated by…dubstep music.
But upon closer inspection, there are someverysubtledetails that give him away as someone more important.
His sweatshirt says Cornell!
Credit: ABC/Ben Mark Holzberg
Hes played by Kiefer Sutherland!
And are those Warby Parker glasses?
Turns out, Tom Kirkman is the secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
Confused and frightened, Kirkman opens the nearest window and discovers the truth: Washington is on fire.
Secret Service Agent Ritter confirms to Kirkman the capital has been attacked.
Congress, the Capitol none of them made it.
Theres a problem, though: Kirkman is not very good at president-ing.
He was barely any good at secretary of HUD-ing!
One White House staffer even scoffs at Kirkmans old Cabinet position, calling him a glorified real estate agent.
NEXT: Who wins in the battle of POTUS vs. General Angryman?
High-level discussions are happening.
at no one in particular, and generally ignoring the quiet bespectacled man in the Cornell sweatshirt.
Kirkman is clearly in over his head.
So the commander in chief runs to the bathroom to vomit.
There, he runs into Seth Wright, a smart-mouthed presidential speechwriter played by Kal Penn.
Thankfully for everyone at ABC, they agree Kirkman should indeed keep on being POTUS.
As if on cue, Agent Ritter comes out to alert them their angsty teen son is missing.
Shockingly, that was a lie.
And they find him, all right.
The rest of the partiers are, presumably, still dancing at the club.
Of course, a rebellious son isnt the only crisis Kirkman faces tonight.
That doesnt placate one General Angryman.
Kirkman, more dove than hawk, is not interested in potentially starting an unnecessary war.
The diplomat agrees, and thats that.
Kirkman might be good at this whole POTUS thing after all!
Jed Bartlet would be proud.
Yet none of this answers the biggest question at hand: Who did this, and why?
Maggie Q has been on the case the whole time.
She plays Hannah Wells, an FBI agent whos helping get to the bottom of the attack.
General Angryman casually suggests that maybe they should remove the sitting president.
Like, murdering him.
The idea sounds absolutely crazy (whos next in line to be POTUS, anyway?
Seth takes away Kirkmans glasses The Presidential Face, at least, doesnotwear Weezer glasses.
The lights come on, and Kirkman looks at the camera and begins his address.
My fellow Americans and then the screen cuts to black.
I have to assume the speech consisted entirely of his housing-development initiatives.
Kiefer always gets the last laugh!
Some things to ponder before episode 2:
