But dont worry we did it for you!
EPISODE 1: SEE MR. PEANUTBUTTER RUN
1.
VINCENT DONOFRIO:This DOnofrio has hadenough-rio!
Credit: Netflix
PRINCESS CAROLINE:Are you sure you wouldnt rather just play a governor in a movie?
I could attach Tommy Schlamme to direct.MR.
PEANUTBUTTER:Tommy Schlamme,SchmommySchlammy!
MR. PEANUTBUTTER:This isnt an us-ocracy, its a dem-ocracy.
So lets askdemwhat they think.
ANCHORMAN JUMBOGRUMBO:To ski or not to ski?
That was the question posed by William Shakespeare, and its perhaps even more relevant today.
PROFESSOR THISTLETHORP:Skiing isnt about reading or books!
Its about speaking truth to power.
And you have spoken it eloquently.
You are my finest student.
EPISODE 2: THE OLD SUGARMAN PLACE
7.
GRANDMOTHER SUGARMAN:You look so handsome in your soldier suit!
Like a young Clark Gerbil.
BOJACK:Youve got a nice set of pipes.
Youre like a Josh Groban who doesnt also think hes funny.
GRANDFATHER SUGARMAN:Whats broken in the heart can never be repaired.
Well, we have all sorts of science for the brain!
GRANDMOTHER SUGARMAN, after brain surgery:Why, I have half a mind.
EPISODE 3: HOORAY!
PRINCESS CAROLINE:Courtly roles like the formerly portly consort are Courtney Portnoys forte!
TIM GUNN:That behatted boy!
Fashion was never meant to be an inherently elitist form!
BOJACK:Life is but an endless series of missed opportunities, some involving Pottery Barn.
BOJACK:I cant break another heart.
EPISODE 4: COMMENCE FRACKING
18.
MR. PEANUTBUTTER:The only fracking thats going to be happening is in this bedroom.
STEFANI:Diane, relax!
STEFANI:You gotta do you, girl!
If hes doing him, then whos doing you?
Because right now, it seems like no ones doing you.
BOJACK:This is a summer dress?
I guess I dont know dresses.
DIANE:Its called Girl Croosh!
Stupid Girl is just a subsection of the main site.
HARVEY FIERSTEIN:And so the dance of life continues.
Im Harvey Fierstein, bidding you a sexy evening.
EPISODE 5: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS
24.
TURTLETAUB:Courtney Portnoy-vey.
The proposed bill would take effect when someone tries to call you and you hear this ringtone.
PRINCESS CAROLINE:You know Courtney Portnoy!
You probably recall when she soared as a thorny horticulturist inOne Sordid Fortnight With a Short-Skirted Sorceress.
How would you enjoy joining Portnoy for a scorched soy porterhouse pork four-courser at Koi?
Glorify your source, but dont make it feel forced, of course.
And try the borscht!
KATRINA:Peanutbutter is Peanut-better!
PERSON ON LOCAL NEWS:I dont feel safe anymore walking my own street at night.
We cannot allow our lives to be dictated by that kind of fear!
EPISODE 6: STUPID PIECE OF SH*T
29.
BOJACKS INTERNAL MONOLOGUE:No, you dont deserve to die young, only the greats die young.
Oh, now you think youre young all of a sudden!
BOJACKS INTERNAL MONOLOGUE:Oh my god, is that life?
Youre there, you do your thing, and then people forget.
Forget it Jake, its Sooze-town.
Am I theSuddenly Sooze-townof people?
MR. PEANUTBUTTER:Am I Ace of Base right now?
Because all I want is another one ofthesebabies!
FELICITY HUFFMAN:Do you know how much s you throw over the side of your deck?
Scripts where the lead is female!
EPISODE 7: UNDERGROUND
34.
PINKY PENGUIN:I have so many regrets!
I just picked up a sitcom where the mom is a zombie.
Its calledMombie and itsterrible!
SHEEP:Is anyone getting any bars?
Im not getting any baaaaars!
MR. PEANUTBUTTER:Well, maybe there should be points!
[crowd cheers] People seem to like my points idea thats another point for me!
MR. PEANUTBUTTER:Lets listen to the guy whos saying dont kill me.
Hes got some good ideas!
MR. PEANUTBUTTER:I fear by daybreak, there will be no Braff meat left.
TODD:Can we return to the surface?
All my favorite clouds are up there.
HOLLYHOCK:So making TV is like a full-time job?
Then why is it so bad!
I just assumed people werent trying.
BOJACK:Hollyhock, wait.
Wait… wait!HOLLYHOCK:I get it, its my weight!
DIANE:Maybe instead of trying to figure out the woman-blob workaround, you should just apologize to Holly.
SIR MIX-A-LOT, JUDGE ONF.H.B.A.
:We make a show about empowering women and lifting them up.
And you cheapen it up with this coarse vulgarity?
I cannot lie you disgust me.
EPISODE 9: RUTHIE
46.
BOJACK:Diane, I am a famous everyone gives me everything I want all the time.
It is an existential curse, but a huge day-to-day convenience.
Ive got your number.
PRINCESS CAROLINE:Did Chris Kattan drop out?
Right before his comeback?
Right before the world is finally ready to settle for Kattan?
PRINCESS CAROLINE:Who knew Portnoy had so many complaints!
In this case, you didnt fly the airplane.
ITALIAN RESTAURANT WAITER:Ah, Miss Carrie Underwood!
Miss Carey, first name Mariah!
Look at all these mis-carries!!
EPISODE 10: LOVIN THAT CALI LIFESTYLE!!
BEATRICE:Henrietta, dont use a foreign language in front of the child shell get ideas!
TURTLETAUB:TV pitching is like the Israeli flag: Its nothing without a big star.
PRINCESS CAROLINE:Tony Shaloub?TURTLETAUB:Tony Sha-whob?
This is WhatTimeIsItRightNow.com, not WhatTimeIsItFifteenYearsaAgo.geocities.com/MonkFanPage!
GREGORY SUNG:I know of you, but not through your work.
Im Gregory Sung, and I only watchforeignfilms.
EPISODE 11: TIMES ARROW
57.
GRANDFATHER SUGARMAN:Stop making books your friends.
HIGHWAY SIGN:Now Entering California.
Gays… Not Yet.
EPISODE 12: WHAT TIME IS IT RIGHT NOW
60.
WHATTIMEISIT.COM EMPLOYEE #2:As we like to say here, there are little-hand ideas and big-hand ideas.
Andthats a big-hand idea!
THRIFTY LODGE EMPLOYEE:We have zero ballrooms in this Thrifty Lodge.
But its always there.HOLLYHOCK: It is literally the worst part of everything its in.
Its like the Jared Leto of fruits!
