Who needs celebrities when you have Paul?
I like to imagine Paul in mid-May, several months deep into a marathon planning session.
This Paul is a more careful Paul than the man who came in second inBig Brother18.
Credit: CBS
What if, Paul thinks to himself, anyone this season has half a brain?
This thought troubles him.
But he puts it out of his mind.
Hell worry about that later.
Or, maybe, never.
For here we are, coming down to the final two weeks ofBig Brother.
Everyone inside the house trusts Paul, and everyone inside the house knows Paul would never betray them.
I dont feel like it could be a better scenario for myself.
Paulcanimagine a better scenario.
He doesnt just want Jason out.
He wants the blame spread around, so theres no blood on his hands.
Fortunately, Christmas thirsts for blood, lives for the heat.
I have my doubts about this plan!
poor Josh confides to us.
Josh isnt taking it too well.
Dont tell nobody I had a moment, says Josh.
Josh is sad about blindsiding Jason.
And this is atrueblindside, totally unforeseen by either blockhead.
For his final speech, Jason cracks wise, while Kevin bashfully thanks Julie for being a gracious host.
They both think the writing is on the wall.
But the writing is in invisible ink.
And the wall…isan attacking demon-dragon wall!
Josh and Raven cast votes against Jason, leading Christmas to send Jason home.
Jason storms out, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone.
He seems to glimpse the possibility of Paul being the ultimate source of his anguish.
(It doesnt help that Josh tearfully declares that Paul came up with an elaborate plan.)
Maybe this will start to turn the Jury against Paul.
But inside the house, Pauls still running game.
If I was on the block, I was gettingevicted???
Its a double eviction night, so theres no time for mourning.
At the nomination ceremony, she puts up Kevin and Raven.
The Veto competition requires some ball-pit diving and a high-precision tube dropping.
(I tried to find another way to write that sentence, and I simply could not.)
Alex actually makes an early leap ahead in the game.
Paul purposefully throws the match, I think.
In the end another shock!
Josh emerges as the Veto Comps comeback boy.
This means the crying man has to deliver his own speech.
and on the other hand feels like an accurate expression of poor Joshs mindset.
Here he is, the loneliest boy inBig Brother, forced to take down one friend after another.
I choosenotto use the power of veto, he says.
And so its time for the three-way vote, and remarkably its another split.
Paul and Christmas vote to evict Raven; Josh votes to evict Kevin.
Certainly, Josh seems rather stunned by the results.
Im so sorry, Raven!
he says, tears seeming to pour out of his ears and nose.
yells Raven backwards, walking out the door and doing a cartwheel for the audience.
Meanwhile, inside theBig Brotherhouse, there is silence.
Josh sits underneath the green apples, crying.
Alex sits at the table, trusting only the gallon of Coca-Cola.
Kevin saran-wraps himself for good luck.
Christmas awaits the next competition.
Julie announces that this winter will seethe first-ever celebrity editionof the U.S.Big Brother.
Former castmates fromThe Hills?
Fallen sports legends seeking redemption?
The host ofCandy Crush?ZINGBOT??
?Hopefully theyre all watching this season.
They can take some notes from Paul.
But what will the Jury think when Jason arrives with his tale of woe?
They say you shouldnt hate the player, you should hate the game.
But this is Pauls game, and were just living through it.
